Her jokes
Why did the blonde have sex with the Mexican?
Because her teacher told her she had to do an essay.
My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.
My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.
True love 😂
Yo mama so stupid, you could not even be born because of her idioticness.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back? Sadly, the hardest part to eat of the vegetable is the wheelchair.
Why were her hands purple?
She heard it through the grapevine.
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”
Repost
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"
"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."
My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.
Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.
Yo mama eats so much that she spends her whole life on the toilet.
Yo mama's so fat, Darth Vader wanted her to be the Death Star!
Yo mama so fat, she uses the Gulf of Mexico as her hot tub!
Yo mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.
How do fuck a really fat chick?
Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.
So, one day I walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn't look like anyone in the family. She starts to cry. My mom asks why she's crying, and I say I told her she was adopted and I was there for the adoption, and we have papers. It was all a lie. She is not adopted, and everything is fine.
What's the difference between a (hypothetical) girl and cancer?
Her dad didn't beat cancer.