Her jokes

Yo' mama is so fat, her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.

Why did Helen Keller burn her hands?

Because she was trying to read the waffle iron.

So, a daughter asks her father, "Dad, what is your opinion on abortions?" Her father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?" The daughter responds, "But I don't have a sister... Oh."

Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."

What do you call a happy child swinging with her friends at recess?

Not Sally.

What do you call your daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?

An ambulance.

What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?

You can drop her off anywhere.

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.

After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”

She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”

To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?

Artificial Intelligence.

I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However, the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.

My sister thinks she's so smart, she said onions are the only food that makes you cry.

So I threw a coconut at her.

So, I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company.

Everyone is mad, but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.

Jack and Jill Went up the hill to have some hanky panky.

Silly Jill forgot her pill. And now there's little Franky.

My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex, and I said, "What's that?" She said, "I fuck her ass." I said, "Oh, my uncle calls that shhhhh."

My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.

What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?

An amputation.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son.

A girl and her brother are walking in their garden. POV: Brother. Sister: "Why are you cutting those flowers?"

Brother: "Because they're beautiful!"

Sister: "I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't."

Brother:......