Help Jokes

One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:

"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"

"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."

"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"

"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"

"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"

An orphan goes to a doctor.

Doctor: "Sorry, I can't help you."

Orphan: "But why?"

Doctor: "I'm a family doctor."

If a WOMAN gets RAPED RUN INTO THE SECNE AND HELP HER

What is humble, holy, and helps?

An angle...

A Down syndrome child is drowning, he calls for help with all of his voice: "Somebody help me!! I'm Downing!"

BA DUM TSS

Good news! There's a new program to help autistic people. It's called Action T-4.

Women be like if men are gone, Earth would be a better place, (forgetting) women help to create war, weapons, animal and human cruelty, and have helped to enforce laws that oppress them.

A man was almost about to drown. A boat said, "Do you need help?" And he said no.

After the boat left, another boat came to the sea, and they asked if he needed help, and he said no.

And he asked God, "Why didn't you help me?"

God said, "I sent you two big boats, you dummy!"

Guys I have a dilemma I'm a beta please help!

I'm at school and this website isn't blocked, and I need help on who did 9/11?

You're so fat, when people see you running, they can't help but yell out, "Keep running!"

Kid: I need help!

Mom: Help your balls.

What do you call a disabled person drowning?

A boat.

Tesco's slogan is "Every little helps."

Well, their bag did a wonderful job on suffocating my wife.

Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.

The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"

Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."

I fell in love with my computer because it helps me Excel.

His name is "Daddy!" HELP!

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

I wouldn't call a Suicide Help-line even if my life depended on it.

Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?

Because every Lidl helps.