Hell jokes
What do fat demons hate? Exorcise.
In heaven, the Englishman is responsible for jokes, the Italian man for food, and the German man for law and order. In hell, the Englishman is responsible for food, the Italian man for law and order, and the German man for jokes.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating, and said he'll give one shot on the house. The man said, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob. And nah, if 12 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
Memes
My girlfriend and I:
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.
He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!
What is a tower's favorite bagel? I don't know, but it sure as hell ain't plain.
Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave.
Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work.
Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.
A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."
After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for hours.
Light the man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.
So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.
He'll probably leave her alone now.
He doesn't eat vegetables.
Give a man a plane ticket, he’ll fly for a day. Push a man out of a plane flying 10,000 miles up, he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
Q: Give a man a day of therapy, he'll be sad for then and on.
A: Give a man a noose, he'll be sad for the rest of his life.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
Because he couldn’t climb up the stairs to heaven.
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.