2 hunter are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and and hunter #1 dials 911. Operator: "911 what's your emergency?" Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods fell asleep." Operator: "Check if he's / she's (not assuming genders) dead." *Operator hears a distant gunshot* Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"
One time this kid came back from school and said "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said "Good news please.'' and the boy said "I got 100% on my math test today" and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said "Now to the bad news, I LIED"
Did you hear about the Boston marathon cause well I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away
Did you hear about the man that got fired from is can job? It was soda-pressing
Did you hear about the Mormons?
Bully: Ur Gay
Me: IM STRAIGHTER THAN THE LINE IN OSAMA BIN LADIN'S PLAN
Bully: * runs away and hears crash*
Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids
Want to hear my pencil joke? wait I'm still writing it.
WANNA HEAR A FUNNY JOKE: JOHNS LIFE
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills so he asks the bartender if its a jar of tips. The bartender says no, its for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, well if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month. So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog, when all is silent the man walks in and asks, so where is the fat lady with the tooth?
what do you call a ear thats dead deaf hahaha oh wait...
Q: Wanna hear a bad cat joke?
A: Just kitten!
Did you hear about the dyslexic cop? He jumped off his whistle and blew his horse
Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl? I’d really like to meter
Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie!
Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop? I think it got lockjaw after that.
Did you hear about the four foot tall psychic who escaped prison? He's a small medium at large.
a little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks " whats that" the little boy says that's my little red race car. 10 minutes later the boy looks down and ask's whats that,the little girl says "that's my little red race car garage. so later that night the boy ask's the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage, She say yes and they pull down there pants and the boy try's putting his little red race car in her garage but it won't fit down stairs the mother hears an ear piercing scream and runs up stairs flips on the lights and see's blood on the floor the mother ask's "what happened the little girl say's "we tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit so i cut the back wheels off"
Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?
You say "Tell me if you can hear me", then get in the trunk and start screaming.
Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta a way. Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was a in-pasta
