In the hospital, they need to keep the disabled patients' rooms cooler than the other patients' rooms.
Why?
They need to keep the vegetables cool and crisp.
Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."
Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"
Why did the doctor turn down the orphan?
He was a family physician.
Why is there AC in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.
A common question I get as a doctor is, do vaccines cause autism? Well!, I was vaccinated, so.....
If you were to ask me, "What is the easiest job in the world?", it would be an Australian psychiatrist.
"G'Day, G'Day...how you doing...no worries, next!"
Are you a mental hospital? Cause I need to be in you.
Why can't people in Africa have medicine?
Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach.
What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?
Death.
What time is it when a nurse's here?
It's nurse-thirty.
Did you hear about the guys hole left side got cut off! But he’s all right now
What's the most expensive haircut?
Chemotherapy.
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
*in the hospital*
Paralyzed kid: I'm out!
*walks out the room*
Blind kid: You can walk?!
Mute kid: You can see?!
Deaf kid: You can talk?!
Doctor: Wut the f**k?
As tragic as school shootings are, it's also a quick way to a late-term abortion.
How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery?
It’s all Depends!
Kid: I have the corona virus!
Nurse: Here is an ice pack.
Why are hospitals always freezing?
They need to keep the vegetables cold.
