Healthcare jokes
Are you a mental hospital? Cause I need to be in you.
Q. What do rape victims miss?
A. Part of their brain.
Why did the doctor turn down the orphan?
He was a family physician.
Why can't orphans go to the hospital? Because it is a family hospital. Sorry for the long break in between my jokes. I just had some family stuff, but I am back.
"Yeetus to the fetus."
This is Riley abortion clinic. Yesterday's loss is today's sauce.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery, except abortion jokes, because then there is no delivery.
What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
My abortion.
When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital, and everyone starts sleeping better.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
Did you hear about the guy whose left side got cut off!
But he’s all right now.
What do you call a fight at a dementia unit?
A Sundown Smackdown.
How does a lady with stage 3 cancer introduce herself?
"Hey y'all, I'm Diane."
Why do they call it abortion? Because they aborted the mission.
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
Should we go to America for treatment?
We stayed in Essen and then left.
A 17 year old pregnant Juanita flew all the way to NY from TX to get an abortion. Initially, she was denied the procedure because she wasn't COVID boosted, but after she explained the father was religious and wanted to be involved, they quickly resolved the threat.
What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?
The depressed person can scan themself.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.