Healthcare Jokes

My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness. Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!"

My doctor said "you have 1year to live"

I said " you wanna bet"

Bam a gun shot

1 like=1 more missile aimed at a hospital

You’re forehead so big when you were being born the doctors thought you had no face

So i was sitting with my little brother and talk about our dreams. "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" I asked him. He answered "A doctor!". I wanted to tease him so i said "I wouldn't be treated by a doctor like you". I was hoping he would get mad or something but instead, he calmly replied "Brother, i said doctor. Not a vet"

why cant orphans go to the hospital? because it is a family hospital ( sorry for the long breack in between my jokes i just had some family stuff but i am back

Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep. There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patient to sleep, so I unplug them.

I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I Wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone, and it turns out he only knows Spanish so When he kept saying "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida." I thought he wanted water, but when I got back with the water he was asleep and now my phone was charged so I translated what he said. And it was "You unplugged my life support", that's when I called the doctor...

Good news is, I got one sick selfie!

What do priest and doctors have in common?

They both do physicals on kids.

When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital and everyone starts sleeping better.

Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first? Patient: Good news! Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.

Doctor: you'll be at peace soon, sir. Me: what am I dying? Doctor: no your wife is.

So I was f*****g this b***h right, and I thought I had aides. So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get aides. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight year old get aides?! I guess my sister needs new friends...