Have jokes
A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."
- Mommy, I want a bicycle!
- Shut up, Sam! You've already got your wheelchair!
What kind of experience does a feminist have?
Being a bitch.
What do five dicks sticking out of glory holes and five udders both have in common? They are ready for milking.
Why did the orphan become a stripper?
So she could have someone to call daddy.
Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."
Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."
Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."
Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."
Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*
It ain't always easy having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.
Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
So, I went out to eat the other day, and the waitress came up to me and asked if I wanted a glass of water. I said, "Yes ma'am." She said, "Oh honey, you don't have to call me ma'am, I'm not that old." I said, "Okay, thanks bitch."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.
What do white people and fences have in common? They both get jumped by Mexicans.
What do a pedophile and a clock have in common? Neither of them go past 12.
Chuck Norris would have died a couple of years ago, but death hasn't built up the courage to tell him.
What do bicycles and slaves have in common? They both use chains to work.
What do a politician and a minister have in common?
Both of them will tell you anything to get money from you.
Why can't two Chinese people have a white baby? Because "two wongs don't make a white."
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
I have a funny joke: my life.
if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.