Have jokes
Have you ever tried North Korean food?
Neither have the North Koreans.
What do Michael Jackson and the Captain from the Spongebob theme song have in common? They both say "are you ready kids?"
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?
Are you ready, kids?🤣
What's the one thing me and the New Year's ball have in common?
It's not gonna be the only thing falling 50 stories this New Year's.
Why do hospitals have fans?
To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.
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What did Hitler and Usain Bolt have in common?
They both finished the races.
What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common?
They both light up the room.
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.
What kind of dreams do hotels have?
Suite dreams.
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have balls.
I would roast you, but you don't have any meat!
Why cant asian parents have a white child? Cuz 2 wongs dont make a white
Why are Americans so shocked when it comes to Mexican drug cartels?
Because none of the drug lords (or their associates, for that matter) have shot up a school.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What's the similarities between Spiderman and a homeless person?
They both have no way home!
Why do horses eat with their mouth open?
Because they have bad stable manners.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"