Have jokes

What do a coin and an Irish man have in common?

They're both fun to flip off.

Why can't two Asians have a white kid?

Because two wongs don't make a white.

Girl: "Come over."

Orphan: "I can't."

Girl: "My parents aren't home ;)"

Orphan: "Just two things I don't have."

What objects have the most gravitational force?

A Lambo and a gold digger.

A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."

What does a kid and wine have in common?

Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.

God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."

Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.

I keep it in a jar on my desk.

An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.

The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."

The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."

Brian has a crush on a cute girl, Sally, from school, so he goes and tells his dad about her, and he says, "Sorry, son, you can't like her; she is your sister." So Brian is okay with it, and he starts to like another girl, Madison, and he goes up to his dad and says, "I have a crush on this girl, Madison," and again the dad goes, "Oh, sorry, son, you can't like any girl in school; they are all your sisters." So he goes crying to his mom and says, "Dad said I can't like any girl because they are all my sisters," and the mom goes, "Oh, it's okay; you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad."

I am the Lorax. I speak for trees. I have the high ground, and I will cut off your knees.

If your left nut was Thanksgiving and your right nut was Christmas, then you wouldn't have any balls because they're holidays.

Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.

Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"

Trump: "Screw the women and children!"

Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"

What do vacuums and your mom have in common?

They both suck.

What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?

They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.

Mr. Smith had four daughters. Each of his daughters had a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?

This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.

Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.

Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.

Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!

Why is North Korea so good at Geometry?

Because they have a supreme ruler.

Why do cemeteries have fences around them? People are dying to get in.

People with Down syndrome have a specific skill only they have; they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.