Have jokes
What do orphans, parents, and trees have in common? They leafed.
Why do the twin towers and my mom have in common? They fell over.
What do emos and the Lorax have in common?
They both hang with trees.
"Have you taken a bath?"
"No. Why, did one go missing?"
A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"
The bartender replied: "A shotgun."
I have a pen, I have an Apple, um, Apple pen.
The Taliban had a plane, the US had a building boom, 9/11.
What do Kurt Cobain and an emo kid have in common?
They both smell like "Teen Spirit."
The best joke in the world is me.
Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.
What’s the best part about having sex with 23 year olds... there’s 20 of them.
Rey: Join me, Ben, you don't have to be alone anymore, join me.
Ben: But Rey, I've always been solo.
Why does JD Vance have strained diplomatic relations with Turkey?
He took away their ottoman!
What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.
Why can't an orphan be gay? Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?
It's legal to get stoned.
Me: Have you seen the movie Constipation?
You: No.
Me: Because it hasn’t come out yet! ERMINER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
Why do you have to watch your back at NASA? They want to probe Uranus.
So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."
Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
Because everybody that can run, jump, and swim is already in the U.S.
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.
But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)