Have jokes
The toilet having an argument with the toilet paper, the owner of the house had diarrhea, who's day was more shittier!?
I have a friend named Mole.
She plays a game called "sandbox" to dig up dirt...
Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "
". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"
Divorce is scheduled for next month.
I have a trans friend.
He is in a polyamorous relationship and would be straight if they had a dick.
My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.
I hate it when people think I'm a boy because I have short hair. I mean, I'm gay, what do you expect?
Ya, I have a Hydro Flask.
H: My Y: Grandpa D: Sticks R: His O: Cock F: Up L: My A: Ass S: K:
What do lovely men and tampons have in common?
Both lick up the juices of the women they were made for.
My friend said to me, "How do you spell Tom?" and I said, "T-O-M-M." He said, "That's not how you spell 'it's Tom.' You have to take out one 'M'."
So I said, "But which one?"
If you have 20 apples and you ate 2, how many do you have left?
0 because you have 20 and take away 2, you have 0 left.
Why can't orphans see their parents?
Because they don't have one!
What is wrong with having chocolate for dessert? It tastes like shit, and I hate it.
Your mamma is so fat that even a North Korean missile would have competition.
Why can't orphans go to family restaurants?
Because they don't have a family to go with.
What's one thing you should never ask a suicidal person? "Are you okay?" because the next day they'll either be dead or have a lot more cuts than they started with.
To those who are dead now, was it fun?
When the school shooter finds you under the table,
"Wonderful weather we're having!"
Did you know that "girlfriend" at the end, it starts with "end." So does "boyfriend," and "friend" have "end" at the end of it, but "family" at the end it "ily" I love you.
Does anyone have an Xbox One? My gamertag is Chalkyfrog11. Add me and comment on this post telling me your gamertag.
Are you having rabbit and duck for dinner?
Yeah.
Why?
Because I got too obsessed with hares.
Me: Sister, stop stealing my stuff or I will make you feel bad.
Sister: No, I won't stop.
Me: Fine, I'm telling the world what you did.
Sister: What? You will see when I post it.
Sister: WHY DID YOU TELL THEM I PEED ON SANTA CLAUS WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD?
Me: BECAUSE YOU DON ́T HAVE A LIFE.