Have jokes
You want to hear a dirty joke?
This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "Daddy."
A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.
Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.
A man walked into a library. He asked the librarian, "Have you got a book on how to commit suicide?" The librarian replied, "No, you'd never bring it back!"
Me telling a depression and suicide joke in front of my friends.
My friends: ........ Oh wait, I don't have any, so nothing to worry about here.
Why do tigers have stripes? They don't want to be spotted.
Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."
Trump is going too far.
He deported a printer because it didn't have papers.
What's the best part about having sex with 28 year olds? There are 20 of them.
Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?
A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.
like this if you have ever been abused.
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
Q: Do you know why black people have nightmares?
A: Because we shot the last one who had a dream.
Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?
Why did Michael Jackson like having little boys round him? He was studying for the priesthood.
Joe Biden's speeches are so motivational. In fact, I have been stuck at home these past few weeks, and his well articulated words were enough for me to muster up the courage to jump off of a 10 story building.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
Neither can see their parents.
What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim is already in America.
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.