Have jokes
I have two eyes and am afraid of sex.
A Fortnite player.
A rich guy and a poor guy have their wedding anniversary on the same day. They meet each other at the shopping complex.
The poor guy asks the rich guy, "What'd you get for your wife today?"
The rich guy replies, "I got her a diamond ring and a Mercedes."
The poor guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"
The rich guy says, "If she doesn't like the diamond ring, then she can return it in her Mercedes."
The rich guy asks the poor guy, "What'd you get for your wife?"
The poor guy says, "I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo."
The rich guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"
The poor guy says, "If she doesn't like the slippers, then she can go f*** herself."
If I had a dollar for every brain cell LEO has, I’d have one dollar.
Why download Fruit Ninja when you have your arm?
Why do the Twin Towers have Elton John?
Because Elton "IS STILL STANDING".
Everybody is talking about Trump having leaks in his office.
I don't see what the problem is. He should just use a better fitting diaper next time.
If Donald Trump gets any worse, they'll have to replace Air Force One with a short bus.
What's something you can say in church and while having sex?
I come in the name of the Lord.
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common?
They both only change their pads after every third period!
What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?
They both come with a toy.
How do you make a baby survive a fall of over 300 metres?
I don't know. I've dropped dozens off the Empire State Building and none have lived.
If laziness was an Olympic sport, I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
You can’t say “dwarf” anymore; you have to say “little people”.
You can’t say “fat”; you have to say “plus size”.
You can’t say “retard”; you have to say “democrat”.
Peter Griffin walks into a bar.
Peter Griffin walks into a bar.
Peter Griffin walks into a bar.
I think I may have forgotten the rest of the joke.
I don't have a joke, it's just funny reading them.
Why did the orphan have an empty bowl?
Because they already ate their supper.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.
Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They have got no home to run to.