Have jokes
I always talk to my taco before I eat it.
One time it said it was having a bad day and I asked what's wrong. He said I don't want to taco 'bout it!
Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
What's the difference between Mexicans and stoners? Stoners actually have papers.
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
We should stop taking the piss out of Asian people. I mean, they already have enough on their plates... like cats and dogs.
Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in the garage.
What do a coin and an Irish man have in common?
They're both fun to flip off.
If I had a dollar for every gender, I would have 2 dollars and a bunch of counterfeits.
Have you ever seen the clown in Walmart that hides from gay people?
No..... Really?
Hahaha
Grasshole.
The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."
If Bruno Mars was to run a pub and sell chocolate bars other than alcoholic drinks, then he'd have to call his pub a Mars Bar!
Why do cows have hooves?
Because they lactose!
A man was having a dream. He dreamt about a mystical creature that was commonly known as the god of toast.
When the man woke up, he turned to tell his wife about the dream. When he delivers the "toast god" punchline, his wife shrugged as she faced the opposite direction to the man.
The man turned around also and started sobbing as he realised his marriage is in shambles.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?
It depends how many bullets you have.
I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.
Teacher: Where's your homework?
Student: At home...
Teacher: What's it doing there?
Student: Having a better time than me.
Why are quadriplegics so unsympathetic? Because they only have feeling in 10% of their body.
One day in my class, we were having that good snack, and one of my classmates choked on a Cheerio. One small, single, Cheerio!