Have jokes
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
What is the difference between a bag of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage. :)
Why do hospitals have fans?
To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.
What do you call two Mexicans having sex? 50 Shades of Brown.
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.
But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)
What are you going to have for a face when the baboon wants its butt back?
To the people who have seen "Meet The Fockers" at the movies and they hated it, Fock You, Motherfockers!
What do you call snowmen having sex?
A snowjob.
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
If you turn Down syndrome upside down, do they have Up syndrome now?
What's the difference between a red Ferrari and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a red Ferrari in my car.
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
Teacher: Kids, what are some things you have that make you happy? Kid 1: I have my family to make me happy. Kid 2: I have my friends to make me happy. Teacher: What about you, Sean? Sean: I have to take pills to make me happy...
So, a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
Boy: "Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I'm scared!"
Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?
"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."
A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."
Have you ever stepped into Steven Hawking's House?
Neither has he.
Don’t have phone sex without protection, you might get hearing aids!
I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.
I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.