Have jokes

What do a Family Dollar and an orphan have in common? They both have a "f" in "family."

What does an Emo kid and Ted Bundy have in common?

They're both gay and use knives.

"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."

~John F. Kennedy

Have you seen the inside of Ford's Theatre? It will blow your mind. ~Abraham Lincoln

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.

A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question.”

St. Peter turns to the first nun in the line and asks her, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister responds, “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says, “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.

St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.

Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun, “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds, “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”

The emo was having computer problems because they had troubleshooting.

Katsuki Bakugou went into a bar and said: "Where is that damn nerd?!?". Everyone was confused.

Bakugou says: "Tell me where Deku is or I'll kill you!" He kills them all because they all have green hair.

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

People shouldn't worry about how orphans would feel reading these jokes. It's not like they have parents to buy them a phone or computer to see them, or even a place to charge them even if they did have one.

Opinions are like orgasms. The only one that matters is mine and I don't care if you have one.

Why do Indians have a red dot on their head?

Because they're recording.

You're an orphan and blind. You have cancer. You will die in 3 days. Merry Xmas!

Have a child you don't want? Just drop them off at a school they don't know and drive away.

Did you know that..

Studies show 9 in 10 Americans do not have basic math skills.

Oh, thank god I'm in that 1%.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They don't have a home base.

I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏

Have you watched the show "Naked and Afraid"? Well, I play it every Saturday with my uncle.

Do you know pigeons die when they have sex?

I mean, the one I fucked died.