Hate

Hate Jokes

Necrophilia

A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.

Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."

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  • Bus Driver

    So little Johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.

    "If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!"

    "If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!"

    And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:

    "Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?"

    Little Johnny smiled and said: "A bus driver!"

    Orphan

    Why do orphans hate milk? Cause their family is still shopping for it!

    Bank robbery

    Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?

    Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...

    Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.

    Therapist

    My therapist told me to write angry letters to those that upset me and never send them.

    He is really going to hate the letter he never gets.

    Stroke

    Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.

    They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”

    Rizz

    Rizz,

    Are you a biographer? Cause I picture us together.

    Can I take a picture of you for I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

    No pen, no paper, you still draw my attention.

    You know what I hate about math? They always talk about x and y, but not about u and i.

    One

    The ones you hate most are also the ones who are by your side most.

    Wheelchair

    When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.

    “They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”

    Coat Hanger

    I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.

    Monopoly

    I'm in jail for 5 minutes and I already got fucked 15 times. You don't have any idea how much I hate playing Monopoly with my dad.

    Number

    Why was 6 afraid to go camping with 7?

    Because 7 wanted to bring two knives for survival, but 6 secretly knew that 7 hated him, and didn’t have benign intentions.

    Read this out loud to yourself and it’ll make sense. ;)

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  • Dwarf

    Why do dwarfs hate fast food restaurants? Cause most of them have medium and large.

    Act

    I've always been suicidal. Some might say, "Why haven't I actually done the act?" I'll just say, well, I hate myself too much so I thought I'd stay around for the punishment of staying alive.