Hate Jokes

What kind of chocolate does a lesbian hate?

Ones that contain nuts.

A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.

Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."

Click the 👍 if you hate school.

So little Johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.

"If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!"

"If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!"

And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:

"Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?"

Little Johnny smiled and said: "A bus driver!"

Why do orphans hate milk? Cause their family is still shopping for it!

I'm a mushroom and I hate this game.

The image is a three-panel comic. The first panel shows a broccoli with big eyes and a mouth saying 'I'm a broccoli and I look like a tree.' The second panel shows a walnut with big eyes, a mouth and one finger up saying 'I'm a walnut and I look like a brain.' The third panel shows a mushroom with big eyes and a mouth saying 'I'm a mushroom and I hate this game.'

What planet did Hitler hate the most?

Jewpiter.

I hate child murderers, they're always so high-pitched.

Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?

Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...

Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.

My therapist told me to write angry letters to those that upset me and never send them.

He is really going to hate the letter he never gets.

Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.

They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”

Rizz,

Are you a biographer? Cause I picture us together.

Can I take a picture of you for I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

No pen, no paper, you still draw my attention.

You know what I hate about math? They always talk about x and y, but not about u and i.

The ones you hate most are also the ones who are by your side most.

Why do orphans hate hide n seek?

'Cause they can't find their parents.

When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.

“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”

I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.

I hate it when disabled people get bullied...

... because they can't stand up for themselves.

Why was 6 afraid to go camping with 7?

Because 7 wanted to bring two knives for survival, but 6 secretly knew that 7 hated him, and didn’t have benign intentions.

Read this out loud to yourself and it’ll make sense. ;)

Why do dwarfs hate fast food restaurants? Cause most of them have medium and large.

I've always been suicidal. Some might say, "Why haven't I actually done the act?" I'll just say, well, I hate myself too much so I thought I'd stay around for the punishment of staying alive.