Harding jokes

No matter how hard I try, I will never be a stand-up comedian.

What does Stephen Hawking press after he's had a hard day?

F5

What’s long and hard and full of semen?

A submarine.

I made this up.

I was watching a school baseball game, and I was yelling at a kid to take it home. He took the bat and threw it, and then ran away. I asked the teacher/coach what the problem was, and he said the kid was an orphan, and I started laughing so hard.

Later that night, I wondered where he stormed off to after he threw the bat, and I thought to myself, "Not home."

Rachel won the lottery twice in two years. Her friend Jim called her every day asking for tips on winning, just the same. Then one day, simply to get rid of him, Rachel said, "Watch two martial arts movies, eat three pieces of hard beef jerky, and pick a fight at a bar."

Jim replied with a shocked look, "That's what I do after Mr. Tugman shakes my hand too long."

Do you think you can solve a riddle about my penis because I don't think you can...

It's too hard.

How long does it take for 10 dead babies to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.

What’s Elon Musk Jr.'s favorite food?

WD 5TB My Passport Portable External Hard Drive HDD, USB 2.0 Compatible, Black - WDBPKJ0050BBK-WESN

What do you call a dwarf that fell into a cement mixer?

A wee hard man.

Hey guys, I just wanna say what happened to Kanye; he is one of my favorite rappers, and he’s going through a hard time. I don’t see why people can’t just spread love and kindness like me💕

I think that Kanye was right to say what he said. I completely support him, and I don’t understand why people hate on him for using his 1st amendment, and Yeezy should be sued for it.

Quote of the day: Love bests hate as for hate is the killer of friendships - Collin Kaepernick

You smell like you farted hard. A, B, Honor Roll, all F’s, you retarded!

You're walking into a bar and you see 2 younger kids around 18. You call the manager to have them removed, but no one came down.

Later that night, you see the 2 18-year-olds, 1 was a girl and the other was a boy, so you call the manager down. No one came again. You confront them and tell them to leave, but one turns around and hits you. You are knocked out on the floor. When you wake up, there is a hard feeling in your a**. You turn your head around and there is an autistic girl with a strap-on in your a** going full on hard.

A pornstar committed suicide; her coworkers must be taking it hard.

Are you a printer? Because you turn my soft copy into a hard copy. Dark..Humor :)

Yo mama was so fat that she jumped so hard, and the earth started shaking like an earthquake.

Why don’t you peel a banana?

It’s too hard to kill your nana.

Once, I ate a skunk. It was hard because I didn't get it down the whole way.

Why did Stephen Hawking die? Because he got bummed too hard in the shower.

If you're an orphan, it must be pretty hard taking "your mom" jokes.

There was 1 gay guy, who kissed 4576 gay guys. Then had sex with them, creaming so hard, all of the dicks cumming on his face.

Then he stopped and had sex again x6, now he was left with...