Harding jokes

My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice. I called it "cold hard cash."

I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. My friend's already on stage 4.

It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.

Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.

Why is it so hard to choose between buying a Subaru or a Volvo? Because you’re deciding whether you want to look like a rapist or a pedophile.

My uncle and I have somewhat of an awkward relationship. At times I find him a bit hard to swallow.

School is like a boner. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.

For boys, life is a lot like a penis: simple, soft, straight, relaxed, and hanging freely......... then a woman makes it really hard.😩😉😏

Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

What is six inches, has nuts, and is hard?

A sinkers bar.

Yo mamma is so slutty, she uses a submarine as a dildo because it's long, hard, and filled with seamen.

A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."

I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

I brought my cousin to an arcade and I gave her $5 to go play a game, but she tugged my joystick too hard.

I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.

When you accidentally wipe a little too hard and your finger goes up your bumhole, triggering flashbacks of when you were 10 and your uncle stayed a few weeks. 😂

What's the difference between light and hard?

It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.

Digging stuff up is too hard.

I guess necrophilia isn’t for everybody.

There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.

Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."

What do Drake and math have in common? They’re both hard for kids.