Harding jokes
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
Why do the brakes keep squealing?
Because the driver hit it too hard.
They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?
I like your cut, G.
*Slaps really hard*
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
"Don't sneeze!"
Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.
Also,
"It dangles and swung!"
Language art quizzes are the best.
My dick harder than stone, man.
How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.
It's hard to predict the future,
especially before it happens.
Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!
It looks like Will Smith slapped your hairline so hard that the dinosaurs can see it now.
I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.
I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.
What's the difference between a dick and a rock?
One's hard.
"Mom, these balloons are hard to blow."
"Son, stay out of the drawer."
If you're an orphan, it must be pretty hard taking "your mom" jokes.
Man: I'm here for the job interview.
Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.
Man: Just anywhere?
Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?
Man: Yeah, that's me.
(Shakes hands and sits back down)
Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?
Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.
Employer: I like you already, you're hired!
Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!
Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.
Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?
Employer: No.
Man: This... This is a photography job, right?
Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.
What do you call a dwarf that fell into a cement mixer?
A wee hard man.
Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...
It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shiii fuck ur mom.
Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason.
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.