Harding jokes

Why was the computer so good at golf? Because he had a hard drive.

My mother didn't want me to love my sister. That made me angry. But then, one day I found this quote: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Since that day, I fuck my sister hard and my MOM harder!

What's black and white and hard as nails? A nun on speed!

What does Micheal Jackson and a rock have in common?

They are both hard.

I’m not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."

1+1? Too hard.

Autoerotic asphyxiation because hanging in there can be hard.

How I Punch my Brother: Wooden Sword.

How he is telling Dad: Diamond Sword.

How hard my Dad is gonna punch me: Warden Punch.

Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.

"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.

That's what Elliot Rodger did.

If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?

Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?

Because you cannot break the ice.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He tried to update to Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

My mom and I went to a bank. Hard to say I never heard of it. The name is "Addison Banks."

LOL

I was watching a "don't laugh" video, and an erection joke almost made me laugh.

It really gave me a hard time indeed.

I was telling the emo kid emo jokes, and I couldn’t read them because I was laughing too hard. I almost cut the emo kid. He wasn’t laughing at the jokes.

To people who say that depression hits hard...

The car begs to disagree.