Why doesn't Batman need Robin as a wingman?
Because he has no problem robbin' your girl.
HA Jokes
What's better than a pile of dead babies?
One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.
After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”
God creates a mosquito :)
God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.
Angel: okay... a bug.
God: now give it’s face a sword, but it has a hole so it’s basically a mouth.
Angel: weird... but okay...
God: and give it wings.
Angel: eh, not half bad Go-
God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS
Angel: *shook* o-okay
God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.
Angel: .-.
God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give ‘em a taste ‘o that! *evil grin*
Angel: *cries*
Angel: *whispers; I’m so sorry..*
What kind of rape victim has a shower ten times a day?
The type that gets raped a lot.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.
I don't know why Trump has orange skin but has white around his eyes. So does that mean he is some fucking dog?
Why does Trump always ensure he has a second pair of pants with him every weekend?
In case he gets a hole in one.
The Make-A-Wish Foundation has gone too far. All of the Make-A-Wish kids asked for cancer to be gone, so they just gave the cancer to all of the Make-A-Wish kids.
What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?
"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."
What’s the difference between apples and orphans?
One of them has a family tree.
What do you get when you cross a fat christian nationalist that is heteroflexable, a christian nationalist politician who is also a born again christian, a conservative republican that has a small penis, and a tv evangelist on steroids?
What's green and has a thousand nipples?
A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.
My "friend" has dyslexia.
Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?
Why did the sun not go to college? Because it already has a million degrees!
Son: Dad, I need a new butt.
Dad: Why, son?
Son: Because mine has a huge crack in it.
Attention, everyone: I will be leaving this website. Thank you everybody who has been nice to me. Maybe I’ll come back in the future, but for now: Goodbye.
What's a rock band that has four men that don't sing?
Mount Rushmore.
