HA Jokes

Laila has 69 boobs, but that is 222 too many. One day, she went on 51st Street to meet Dr. X, who ate all her boobs, and now she's boobless :)

6922251 x 8 = 55378008. Put the calculator upside down.

That moment when the disabled kid has to take the Pacer test.

Why doesn't Batman need Robin as a wingman?

Because he has no problem robbin' your girl.

What's better than a pile of dead babies?

One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.

After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”

The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”

Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”

If you people find this confusing, nothing is because CHEESE IS CHEESE!!!

The image shows text saying "Cheese has holes. More cheese = more holes. More holes = less cheese. More cheese = less cheese." Below the text is a picture of an alien with squinted eyes and a slight frown.

God creates a mosquito :)

God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.

Angel: okay... a bug.

God: now give it’s face a sword, but it has a hole so it’s basically a mouth.

Angel: weird... but okay...

God: and give it wings.

Angel: eh, not half bad Go-

God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS

Angel: *shook* o-okay

God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.

Angel: .-.

God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give ‘em a taste ‘o that! *evil grin*

Angel: *cries*

Angel: *whispers; I’m so sorry..*

What kind of rape victim has a shower ten times a day?

The type that gets raped a lot.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?

No, neither has he.

I don't know why Trump has orange skin but has white around his eyes. So does that mean he is some fucking dog?

Why does Trump always ensure he has a second pair of pants with him every weekend?

In case he gets a hole in one.

The Make-A-Wish Foundation has gone too far. All of the Make-A-Wish kids asked for cancer to be gone, so they just gave the cancer to all of the Make-A-Wish kids.

What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?

"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."

What’s the difference between apples and orphans?

One of them has a family tree.

What do you get when you cross a fat christian nationalist that is heteroflexable, a christian nationalist politician who is also a born again christian, a conservative republican that has a small penis, and a tv evangelist on steroids?