HA jokes

What's better than a pile of dead babies?

One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.

Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jill could lick Jack's candystick, but Jill got a surprise when she saw her boyfriend Rik. He got so angry Jack has no candystick no more. Jill went home with a black eye, and Rik got arrested for cutting Jack's candystick.

Laila has 69 boobs, but that is 222 too many. One day, she went on 51st Street to meet Dr. X, who ate all her boobs, and now she's boobless :)

6922251 x 8 = 55378008. Put the calculator upside down.

Why doesn't Batman need Robin as a wingman?

Because he has no problem robbin' your girl.

That moment when the disabled kid has to take the Pacer test.

After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”

The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”

Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”

God creates a mosquito :)

God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.

Angel: okay... a bug.

God: now give it’s face a sword, but it has a hole so it’s basically a mouth.

Angel: weird... but okay...

God: and give it wings.

Angel: eh, not half bad Go-

God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS

Angel: *shook* o-okay

God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.

Angel: .-.

God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give ‘em a taste ‘o that! *evil grin*

Angel: *cries*

Angel: *whispers; I’m so sorry..*

Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?

No, neither has he.

What kind of rape victim has a shower ten times a day?

The type that gets raped a lot.

I don't know why Trump has orange skin but has white around his eyes. So does that mean he is some fucking dog?

My grandfather has the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Why does Trump always ensure he has a second pair of pants with him every weekend?

In case he gets a hole in one.

The Make-A-Wish Foundation has gone too far. All of the Make-A-Wish kids asked for cancer to be gone, so they just gave the cancer to all of the Make-A-Wish kids.

What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?

"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."

"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."

Yo momma is so ugly, Slenderman runs from her.

It's also why he has no eyes.

Why can’t you private text someone in a community?

Because a community has more than two people.

Has anyone else ever been jealous when their laptop dies?

Why can’t orphans have phones?

Because it has a home button.

Why don’t orphans play baseball?

Because they can’t get a home run.

Rapboat says he has a rap career. Wrap career more like, wrapping burgers at McDonald's.