HA jokes

That moment when the disabled kid has to take the Pacer test.

After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”

The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”

Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”

God creates a mosquito :)

God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.

Angel: okay... a bug.

God: now give it’s face a sword, but it has a hole so it’s basically a mouth.

Angel: weird... but okay...

God: and give it wings.

Angel: eh, not half bad Go-

God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS

Angel: *shook* o-okay

God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.

Angel: .-.

God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give ‘em a taste ‘o that! *evil grin*

Angel: *cries*

Angel: *whispers; I’m so sorry..*

Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?

No, neither has he.

What kind of rape victim has a shower ten times a day?

The type that gets raped a lot.

I don't know why Trump has orange skin but has white around his eyes. So does that mean he is some fucking dog?

My grandfather has the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Why does Trump always ensure he has a second pair of pants with him every weekend?

In case he gets a hole in one.

The Make-A-Wish Foundation has gone too far. All of the Make-A-Wish kids asked for cancer to be gone, so they just gave the cancer to all of the Make-A-Wish kids.

What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?

"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."

Yo momma is so ugly, Slenderman runs from her.

It's also why he has no eyes.

Why can’t you private text someone in a community?

Because a community has more than two people.

Has anyone else ever been jealous when their laptop dies?

Why can’t orphans have phones?

Because it has a home button.

Why don’t orphans play baseball?

Because they can’t get a home run.

Rapboat says he has a rap career. Wrap career more like, wrapping burgers at McDonald's.

Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.

What’s the difference between apples and orphans?

One of them has a family tree.

What do you get when you cross a fat christian nationalist that is heteroflexable, a christian nationalist politician who is also a born again christian, a conservative republican that has a small penis, and a tv evangelist on steroids?

Attention, everyone: I will be leaving this website. Thank you everybody who has been nice to me. Maybe I’ll come back in the future, but for now: Goodbye.

Why did the sun not go to college? Because it already has a million degrees!