HA jokes
Donald Trump has been banned from Panera.
Roast
You have such a big forehead it has a 6 pack on it!
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
Papyrus: Sans! I heard that a HUMAN has fallen!
Sans: And you gotta bone to pick with 'em?
Hey! This site has a home page, but I wonder if the orphans can see it.
Memes
Africa has every type of gun but one...
A water gun.
Why is Harry Potter an orphan's favorite character?
Because Harry Potter has no parents, so it’s relatable.
I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
You know what the difference between Kobe Bryant and Russell Westbrook is?
He wears 0 and Kobe has 0 lives left.
Why does an orphan never learn how to drive? Because he has no dad to help him.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.
Why is Saturn richer than other planets?
It has a ring!
Bf: Hey, what ya doing?
Gf: Just lying in bed.
Bf: Just lying in bed?
Gf: And eating cereal.
Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?
Gf: Eat my cereal.
Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.
Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
What has two wings and an arrow?
The Chinese telephone, wing wing, arrow.
A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."
So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?
Imagine this scenario: A doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses, diseases, etc. in the world but cooler like this: "Bumbumbum you have depression, diarrhea, and cancer,... etc."
And then the last one on the list is that he is deaf, and then the doctor shows the patient the list.