HA jokes
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
Donald Trump has been banned from Panera.
Roast
You have such a big forehead it has a 6 pack on it!
Papyrus: Sans! I heard that a HUMAN has fallen!
Sans: And you gotta bone to pick with 'em?
Africa has every type of gun but one...
A water gun.
Memes
Hey! This site has a home page, but I wonder if the orphans can see it.
You know what the difference between Kobe Bryant and Russell Westbrook is?
He wears 0 and Kobe has 0 lives left.
Why is Harry Potter an orphan's favorite character?
Because Harry Potter has no parents, so it’s relatable.
I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
Chuck Norris' dick is so big that it has its own dick. And his dick's dick is still bigger than Bruce Lee.
Why does an orphan never learn how to drive? Because he has no dad to help him.
What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.
Bf: Hey, what ya doing?
Gf: Just lying in bed.
Bf: Just lying in bed?
Gf: And eating cereal.
Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?
Gf: Eat my cereal.
Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.
Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.
Why is Saturn richer than other planets?
It has a ring!
"Our all-transgender brigade has suffered heavy casualties!"
"What? We haven’t even sent them to fight!"
"They’ve already lost 30% of the unit!"
Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."
Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.
What has 2 legs and loves to play with little kids? The local priest.