HA jokes
Why does an orphan never learn how to drive? Because he has no dad to help him.
Hey! This site has a home page, but I wonder if the orphans can see it.
"Our all-transgender brigade has suffered heavy casualties!"
"What? We haven’t even sent them to fight!"
"They’ve already lost 30% of the unit!"
Why is Saturn richer than other planets?
It has a ring!
What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.
Bf: Hey, what ya doing?
Gf: Just lying in bed.
Bf: Just lying in bed?
Gf: And eating cereal.
Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?
Gf: Eat my cereal.
Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.
Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
What has two wings and an arrow?
The Chinese telephone, wing wing, arrow.
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?
Imagine this scenario: A doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses, diseases, etc. in the world but cooler like this: "Bumbumbum you have depression, diarrhea, and cancer,... etc."
And then the last one on the list is that he is deaf, and then the doctor shows the patient the list.
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.
The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.
What's the difference between a pair of jeans and an African baby?
A pair of jeans only has 1 fly.
What is blue, green, flat, and has teeth?
The Earth, but I lied about the teeth.
There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.
On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."
So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.
Have you walked into Steven Hawking's house yet?
Yeah, neither has he.
Why doesn’t the sun ☀️ go to college?
Because it has a million degrees.