HA

HA jokes

Religion

When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.

But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)

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  • Rally

    What is 80 feet wide and has 22 teeth?

    Answer: The front row of a Trump Rally!

    Orphan

    What's the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?

    One has a home.

    Crack

    Everyone has cracks in them, mine's just in my heart and not my ass.

    Memes

    Blonde

    What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.

    Chicken

    Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.

    P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?

    P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?

    P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).

    P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*

    Cockroach

    My mom has a policy where if you kill a butterfly, no butter for a week, and if you kill a grub, no grub for a week.

    She killed a cockroach today. I have some bad news for her.

    Beer

    A recent study has found that beer contains female hormones.

    A test group of 100 male volunteers each consumed six pints of beer, and the effect was they all talked endlessly about nothing and couldn’t drive for shit.

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  • Stoner

    What’s the difference between a Hispanic and a stoner?

    A stoner has papers.

    Cd

    A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.

    Orphan

    Orphans only have 363 days because they don't have Mother's or Father's Day.

    Man

    A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"

    The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".

    The man asks, "Ten what?"

    Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".

    Susie

    Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs!

    Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!

    Day

    One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”

    Criminal

    A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.

    9/11

    Any joke that I make about 9/11 has a tendency to crash and burn.

    Sister

    My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.