HA jokes

What is the scariest thing you'll ever see in your life? James Charles thinking he has rights.

A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."

Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?

Teacher: 203

Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?

Teacher: You can't.

Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?

Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.

The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?

Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.

Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.

Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?

Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?

Student: No, the alligators are at the party.

Sally dies anyway, how?

Teacher: She frowned?

Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.

What did the kid who has no arms get for Christmas?

He couldn't even open it.

I don't like making 9/11 jokes because every joke about 9/11 I make has a tendency to crash and burn.

At first I was skeptical, but the universe has really grown on me.

I just got a job at the prison library.

It has its prose and cons.

A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."

He was in the infantry.

My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.

Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.

Which book takes an extreme turn and has an incredible plot twist?

- The math book. Suddenly letters appear in the calculations...

Hello everyone, now a question to make it in there is no right or wrong answer, but who here has watched fireb0rn??

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"

Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"

A phone is like parents. Not everyone has one.

What does a tornado need when it has multiple sclerosis?

A hurri-CANE.

Why do you tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast.

What did Sally do when she got home?

Cry because she has no arms.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field? The baseball field has a home to run back to.

I have more respect for cancer than depression, because cancer has the balls to kill me himself.

What do orphans and TVs have in common?

At least one of them has a home.