HA jokes

Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs!

Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!

Your momma is so old she has been a waitress at the last supper.

They say the first time doesn't work, third time's the charm. Ha, not!

The average French car has 7 gears, 6 of which are in reverse mode just in case the Germans come back.

A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.

My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.

Sometimes my battery life has the same recognition as me :(

So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...

...their new slogan?

The Quicker Pecker Upper.

All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.

Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.

I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!

What has four legs and one arm? A doberman at the playground.

What's the difference between sex and mental illness?

Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.

Which animal has the largest chest? A Z-bra.

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?

Throw them some laundry.

Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.

What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?

One of them has a POINT:)

What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

Three nuns had to go before Mother Superior. The first one goes up to her and she says, "Have you sinned?" "Yes, I have, Mother. I have stolen a bicycle." Okay, said Mother Superior. "Say 100 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water." Up comes nun number two and she says she has sinned. "She slept with a married man." So Mother Superior says, "Okay, say 500 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water and go on your way." The third nun comes up and she says, "I peed in the holy water!" 🤣😂🤣😂😁😁🌈

One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”

Yo mama is so fat, her car has stretch marks.