HA jokes
Have you ever walked past Steven Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.
π€ What do gay men who are physically handicapped βΏ can do better than a man who is heteroflexible when π€ he has another man's π π π π π³ π cock inside π of his warm mouth π π give a π π good blowjob?
Like if your best friend has a dog.
Every zodiac sign has a hairstyle except for Cancer.
Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?
A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.
Memes
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
So I was at home, and I went to take a shower, and I accidentally walked in on my brother having sex with some girl. So I left. A couple minutes later, I needed my headphones to listen to music, so I asked my mom where she was. She told me she was in the shower. Our house only has one bathroom. Sweet home Alabama.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesnβt see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."
A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.
What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).
What place has more boys than the Catholic Church? Michael Jackson's bedroom.
Me: Brings in missing child.
Police: OMG this kid has been missing for 3 months. Here is your reward.
Me: Oh, cool.
NEXT DAY
Me: Brings in 8 other kids.
Police :0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
Cause every play has a cast.
What has eight legs and leaves kids alone? The Jackson 4.
Q: Why was the tower of Pisa leaning?
A: Because it has better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
When the quiet kid has an argument with the school shooter, and you didn't get to pull out the AK.
I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.
"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.
Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for his birthday?
Because it has no home button.
What's a joke that an orphan has never heard before?
A dad joke.