HA Jokes

Have you ever walked past Steven Hawking's house?

No, neither has he.

🤔 What do gay men who are physically handicapped ♿ can do better than a man who is heteroflexible when 🤔 he has another man's 😍 😋 😜 😏 😳 😉 cock inside 😋 of his warm mouth 👄 👄 give a 👍 👍 good blowjob?

Like if your best friend has a dog.

Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?

A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.

What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

A screenshot of a text message conversation. The first message says: "Just take a minute and think about Riley's retarded hair cut. Shut up look at your greasy ass hair." The next message says: "Have you not released I don't give a small singular shit about my hair." The following message says: "There's probably shit in your hair." Finally, the last messages read: "It looks better than whatever dead raccoon has been super glued onto your forehead. But Yeah probably."

So I was at home, and I went to take a shower, and I accidentally walked in on my brother having sex with some girl. So I left. A couple minutes later, I needed my headphones to listen to music, so I asked my mom where she was. She told me she was in the shower. Our house only has one bathroom. Sweet home Alabama.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.

So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."

When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.

But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)

What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).

What's a joke that an orphan has never heard before?

A dad joke.

Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

Cause every play has a cast.

Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for his birthday?

Because it has no home button.

I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.

"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

Q: Why was the tower of Pisa leaning?

A: Because it has better reflexes than the Twin Towers.

When the quiet kid has an argument with the school shooter, and you didn't get to pull out the AK.

Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?

He has no legs...

Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...

"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"

"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."