Grief jokes
What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.
At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"
How did the orphan die?
Of sadness.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
Hahahahahahhah my nan died :)
My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.
She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
My grief counselor died just the other day.
He was so good though, I didn't care.
What did the make-a-wish kid say when the Avengers turn up without Tony Stark?
"We are in the endgame now!"
Why did the orphan cross the road? They thought they saw their mother.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
He thought he saw his mother.
On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."
How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.
Roses are red.
My soul is black.
I am never getting my dad back.
Why are orphans so good at tennis?
Answer: Because they never knew what love was.
I've never seen my dad since September 11. I wonder where he is...
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."
My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Charlie.
Charlie who?
Charlie Brown! Good grief!