Grief jokes

Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?

While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.

My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.

A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.

This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"

"Of course," she says.

The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"

The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"

What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Lamborghini?

I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Come on guys, this is nasty, he was my uncle, ffs :(

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

The horse replies, "My wife just died of cancer, and my alcohol addiction is tearing my family apart."

The bartender responds, saying "Oh" sympathetically. "Sucks to be you!" the bartender yells, throwing a bottle of wine at the horse.

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.

How do you make a plumber cry?

You kill his family.

My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.

Why doesn't Batman have super vision?

His parents died.

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.