Greatest jokes
Arab rizz. Are you a tower? Because I wanna blow you up and don't let your friend know about this. Rashid, I told you not to blow it up, I had it.
The greatest Arab pilot, my grandfather.
What are Eric and Dylan known for at Columbine High School?
They pulled the greatest senior prank in all of history.
Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a fuck what you think."
Ol' Mate Shane Warne has sadly passed away. He was probably Australia's Greatest Ever Cricketer. RIP Ol' Mate Warney, died doing what you loved, having gay sex with men and doing cocaine! 馃敟馃敟馃敟馃敟馃敟馃敟馃敟馃敟
Like if you RIP Shane Warne 馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭馃嚘馃嚭
How do you make the world鈥檚 greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.
I don't like Trump because he has ruined my kind's greatest man, Donald Duck.
My friend Amir didn鈥檛 have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.
Alfred the Great was arguably the greatest king in England鈥檚 history.
The worst? Richard the Goat Fucker.
Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.
Passengers: *Clap*
Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.
Flight Attendant: And what is that?
Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*
Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---
I would tell a joke, but I鈥檓 sad my dad died in 9/11. He鈥檚 the greatest pilot that went down with the Twin Towers.
If I was in a room with Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Hitler, and my greatest enemy, I would pour out the bullets and beat my enemy with the gun.
Friend: How's it going?
Me: Good, things are good!
Parent: How are you?
Me: Oh, I'm fine!
Twitter: Compose new tweet?
Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.
Simpsons.
Meet the Simpsons.
They're the greatest modern family.
From the town of Springfield.
They're a page right out of history.
What was the incontinent farmer's greatest problem? He managed his carrot patch but couldn't control his peas!
These are some of the greatest names ever: Dixie Normous, Dixie Rekt, Ka Monmi, Ice Wallow Kum, Dick Sinsider, Anita Biggerman.
Your mother is such a slut, she should be in the NFL hall of fame for the greatest wide receiver!
What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.
Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"
Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"
The greatest doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,
"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grabs one and shouts,
"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,
"You are too young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,
"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."
People joking about 9/11.
Random kid: "You shouldn鈥檛 joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."
Oh.
"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"