I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”
Why is Hitler better than Biden?
Because Hitler gave his people gas for free.
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.
Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.
...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.
When cops say you have the right to remain silent,
You're just happy you have the right to do something.
Why does the president take so long to deliver each sentence?
He’s just Biden his time.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly... and for the same reason.
Trump and Biden didn’t get the memo.
If brains were taxed, Slade would get a rebate.
A kid asks Trump:
Kid: "Where are the confidential files?"
Trump: "There they are, bud!"
My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was a blow job.
Who is the most horny and fat ass god?
Kim Jung Un.
Dude, what if 9/11 happened because they wanted slavery back?
It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.
But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . .
JFK and Abe Lincoln were some of the most open-minded presidents ever.
Vote for Kris!
Cheap oil, no immigration, and no school shootings.
Corona did what Trump promised.
I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.
The things you do for your cousins!
Voting is like doing a group project in school.
I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up.
Hillary Clinton is elected president...
And on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."
