Government jokes
When do Americans answer their door?
Once freedom rings! ❤️🤍💙
Thomas Jefferson’s 80th b-day bash be like:
Jackson: "CALHOUN! YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME - IN BED WITH THE CONSTITUTION??"
Hey, can you Putin deez nuts?
Why is the Pentagon mad?
Because it didn't get two pizzas, but only one plane pizza.
What do you call a potato with a pp?
A dictator.
Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.
Say what you will about Donald Trump, at least he's not Biden.
What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?
Death.
What's the main similarity between an elementary school math class and the USA?
The class divides.
If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.
What's the difference between me and the rest of America?
I love one and hate the other.
what happens when the president turns emo?
the great depression.
Yo mama is Obama.
When a rocketship went into space, seven astronauts went into space. That's why it's called NASA.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The KGB.
The KGB wh-?
*slaps* I will ask the questions here.
We all know that Lincoln and Kennedy are the most open-minded presidents in the world.
President: Them damn flat faced n**g*rs!!
Man: We have the power of the sun itself!
President: Drop it on them!
Man: You push the button.
President: *sigh* Fine give it to me.
Man: Hands over button
President: Pushes it
Both: YAAA!
President: Bumps into the button pressing it again
Both: Oh, sh*t!
Meanwhile in Japan after the first bomb went off
Japanese man: Ah sh*t here we go again
Yo mama so fat they faked COVID-19 just to put a mask on her.
NASA stands for "Nobody asks scientists anymore."
What's the difference between a used condom and the UCP?
The condom was actually useful at one point.