New Good Jokes - Page 17 - Worst Jokes Ever

dear doctor

ive heard its a good sign when women scream your first name during sex but recently women have been screaming my full name. its weird, i feel like im famous. Can you tell me what this means?

Yours Truly Ray Palp

A Good man deserves a queen who will pussy slide on his penis casually, frig him with her thighs like a prostitute, make him laugh like a homie, cook like his mama.

Every good joke has its delivery, except abortion jokes, because they have none.

Little Johnny was living with his granpa durring the summer...Well grampa had a beer and Johnny said "grampa, let me get a sip of that" Grampa said "well lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" and lil Johnny said "well no sir"And grampa said then no you cant. Later that day papaw(granpa) had a ciggar and Johnny said let me get a hit of that and papaw asked well Johnny does your d**k reach your a** and Johnny said no again and then papaw was shootin his gun and johnny asked if he could shhot it and granpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a** and johnny sid no well after supper Johnnys granma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER) and granpa said "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream" and Johnny asked papaw "well papaw does your d**k reach your a** nd papaw said "well Johnny as a matter of a fact it does" and johnny said "good, now go fck your self cause you aint gettin none of my ice cream!"

Period blood is like KFC, because it's finger licking good!

i asked a man i was the fastest gun in the west. he said my 17 wasn't good enough. after that, a lot of lead went into his head.

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

Me and my friends were having a party the other day when some bitch came bitching about the noise. Thankfully she was hot and had a nice ass so it was enjoyable raping her. The next day when i woke up I found her body only half eaten, her lower body was still intact so I went for seconds to fuck off the hangover. Then I had breakfast, her ass tasted good with some ketchup.

They say the polar ice caps are melting, good because my wife's a fat cold bitch.

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...

‎...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

I know what I want to be for Halloween! A pumpkin! I'm very good at carving into myself, after all.

Jack quietly crawled through Jill’s bedroom window, trying not to make a single noise. She sat on her bed, her back facing him. Jack tiptoed up behind her, laid his hands on her shoulders and said, in a rather sensual tone,

“Boo.”

“Jack!” She yelled, “what are you doing here?”

Jack sat down next to her and smiled.

“I figured today was a good day to maybe go up to the hill?” He said.

“That sounds fun,” said Jill.

“C’mon, let’s go!”

The kids climbed down from Jill’s second story window. The frolicked around in the fields, hair swaying in the wind, as they neared the nearby hill. Jack took Jill’s hand, and they skipped up to the very top of the hill. They sat down on the bright green grass and giggled.

“You ready?” Asked Jack

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Jill replied with a wink.

Jack laid his hand on Jill’s chest, softly pushing her onto her back. He got down on his knees, and bent down to the bottom of her dress.

“I’ve waited a long time for this...” he whispered.

Jack slowly pulled up Jill’s dress with one hand, running the other up her thigh. His anticipation was building faster and faster. He looked her in the eyes as he slowly pulled down her panties. Once they were all the way off, he turned his head downward. His mouth opened, his eyes went wide. Jack was speechless. Before he could say anything, Jill slammed his head down, gagging him with her giant cock. She sat up as she slammed his head up and down. Jack began to feel dizzy as he gagged and coughed.

“Silly Jack, didn’t you know? I’m not Jill. I never was. My name’s Randy. You’re mine now, Jack. So sit back, enjoy the ride.” Said Randy.

Randy moved Jack’s head faster and faster as he threw his head back. It was coming, fast. All of a sudden, he stopped. Jack’s head stood still as his mouth became a fountain of white, drizzling all over Randy’s legs and onto the grass. Randy let go and Jack jumped back, spitting and trying to get it all out of his mouth. Just as the dizziness began to fade, Randy walked over. The last thing Jack saw was Randy’s fist hurtling towards him...

Why is the Titanic good at baseball? Because it sinks it.

I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.

A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar. These two have been great friends for over 20 years...play golf together...and meet every Tuesday at a classy bar for a glass of wine...talk about golf...good wine and spiritual matters. One day while at the bar enjoying a glass of merlot, the Rabbi raises his glass of wine and says to his long time friend.."brother, do you believe Jesus turned water into wine?"...the Priest thinks for a moment and raises his glass of wine and replies..."yes brother, I do believe Jesus turned water into wine...but don't get excited...since Jesus was Jewish, the wine was probably Manischewitz "