Maybe your butt good? Maybe bad... I'M GOING TO LAUGH!
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.
My username good.
Why was Kobe a good father?
He took his daughter with him.
You failed Helen Keller's speech class? It's okay, she's not a very good speaker.
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?
Tiger Woods had a good driver.
God is good. God is great.
Why are Chinese so good at jaywalking? Cause they can't tell the difference between green and red light with their tiny eyes.
One night, a father heard his daughter saying good night.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good night, Dad."
"Good night, Mamah."
"Good bye, Papa."
The next day her papa died.
He heard her saying them a month later.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good night, Dad."
"Good bye, Mamah."
The next day her mamah died.
Well, her dad was scared for his life. He knew he was next. Well, his daughter said them again.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good bye, Dad."
The next day, the mail man dropped dead on their porch.
Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.
It's a good thing I'm married.
Bully: "Hey little Timmy, you look like an ugly rat."
Timmy: "Well, at least I'm a good chef and I'm in a movie, unlike you."
Bully: Dies from embarrassment. 😱
That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.
What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?
Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.
I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.
I finally stopped drinking for good.
Now I purely drink for evil.
The one good thing about an orphan is that they don't get roasted with a "yo mama" joke.
When God had to take a shit from making a good wife, you pasted between his ass cheeks...
I was going on a date when I decided to put on Penaldo’s PR7 cologne to smell good. As I put on the cologne, my skin started to turn invisible!
I then realized the cologne had made me turn into a ghost 👻. Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my date 😡!
It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.
What's the only good thing about being an orphan?
All snacks are family sized!
