Goes jokes

A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...

Timmy goes to the doctor and says, "There's a crack in my butt, doctor." Timmy, there is a crack in everyone's butt, see?

So, a retarded kid's mom drops her kid off at school and says, "You better stop the bus today, because I’m not picking you up." So he agrees, and he arrives at the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The next day, the mom says the same thing, and the kid goes to the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The third day, his mom says, "I don’t care if I have to jump out in the middle of the road, you better stop that bus!" So the kid goes to the bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says, "Stop!" The bus driver runs over him. A nearby lady stops the bus and says, "Why’d you run that poor kid over?" and he responds, "'Cause he was making fun of me" (in a retarded voice).

A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."

A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."

How do you make a cat sound like a dog?

You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"

What is red, white, and goes round and round?

A baby in a blender.

Old man goes to the doctor.

The doctor says, "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's."

The old man says, "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"

What do skeletons hate the most about wind?

Nothing, it goes right through them.

According to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.

Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sits next to everyone.

Yo mama is so ugly, when she goes to the photographer, he shoots himself.

Yo mama is so ugly, when she goes into a bank, they turn off the cameras.

Yo mama is so fat, she goes to the beach to sell shade.

An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"