God jokes
The Flanders Song
God said to Noah, "There’s gonna be a floody-floody."
Rain came down, it started to get muddy-muddy.
Get these animals👏out of the arky-arky."
"Leave me alone!"
In 2011, Stephen Hawking said God didn’t exist.
In 2018, God said Stephen Hawking didn’t exist. xx 😂😂
God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."
I walk into school, and look up praying.
"Man, would be a shame if the buildings fell from an airplane."
Nothing happened. There is no God.
So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.
A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"
Why don’t babies pollinate flowers?
God chose Plan B.
What did the tomato say to the empty ketchup bottle? "GOD STAY AWAY FROM ME!"
The dear God created the man.
Then he created woman.
When he then saw what he had done, he took care of tobacco and alcohol.
The reason why women have suffered longer than men is because men are using women and abusing them as tools and property, which they aren’t.
During WWII, women were used every day by evil men for not being able to have sex with their wives, and Muslim women are being raped, women children are being raped every day while you fucking turds of human shit are making jokes of issues that need to stop, so stop with the homophobia, Islamophobia, biphobia and all the other phobias, make sexual harassment, assault and rape victims' voices heard, we will not stay silent because of this shitty app!
Also, God created women equally as men, do not mistreat your sisters, mothers, aunts, mother-in-laws. Hope all you rapists, sexual abusers, sexual assaulters rot in hell where you deserve to be, not in this country or any other place, hell is where you belong. 😡🤬🖕🏻🖕🏼🖕🏽🖕🏾🖕🏿
A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.
When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"
God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."
Why did Saturn have rings?
Because God liked it so he put a ring on it.
I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.
Why don't you see black people with Down syndrome?
Because God doesn't punish someone twice.
Do you guys know why women have small feet? It's because God created them to stand closer to the sink when they wash dishes.
Jesus is the worst, just joking; he is the best! Best best BFF great guy ever that has a miracle. Jesus comes from Bethlehem! 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😇
Sans: haha... Paps: what? Sans: i KNEW it was gonna rain today. Paps: that's nearly impossible, how? Sans: i could feel it in my bo- Paps: OH MY GOD STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you have an Autistic child, don't worry. Put your trust in God and pray it gets kidnapped.
How did Mary get pregnant with baby Jesus?
God fucked her.
A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”