Go Jokes

Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave.

Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work.

Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.

You: "Captain, where is this plane going?"

Captain: "New York, 175 Greenwich Street."

Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?

Because they go down so well.

Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.

My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.

So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

what did i find?

A blue bus with human eyes, a nose, and an ear has four legs and walks on a checkered purple floor. The text above the bus says: "The legs on the bus go step step step".

Why are Americans so dumb?

Because they shoot the ones that go to school.

Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.

In communist Russia there is no discrimination. White, black, African, American, British and Asian. They all go to Gulag eventually.

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."

Bro's hair looks like Buzz Lightyear, going to infinity and beyond!

So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.