New Girl Jokes - Page 36 - Worst Jokes Ever

Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍

After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.

A girl and her brother are walking in their garden. POV: Brother. Sister: "Why are you cutting those flowers?"

Brother: "Because they're beautiful!"

Sister: "I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't."

Brother:......

Some one Telling a joke: Boy: my parents are dead Girl: My grandad is too Orphan who listened to it: that joke is dead Person who told the joke: so is ur family

There are 4 people ona plane while its crashing and there are only 3 parachutes theres opera, Obama a little girl and, Trump opera grabs. Parachute and says, "I'm famous i get one" And Trump grabs one and says, "Well im president of cource i get one" and obama looks at the little girl and says, "Since your the future or our generation take the last one" the little girl hugs obama and says, "Actually we can both have one Trump took my backpack"

If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.

Elephants never forget.

Dating a girl and studying mathematics, both give a headache.

There was a Cowboy riding in an desert when he saw a little girl up ahead. He heard her crying. So he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her "Hey what's going on ? Why do you cry ? Where are your parents ? What happened ?". The girl said under an crying sad voice "The indians came, killed my father and my mother and raped my sister." The Cowboy just laughed unlocked his belt and put his trousers down and said "Guess it isn't your day is it".

I told her "I love you". She said I love me too.

A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

Girl:Hey Boy: Hi? Girl:I need to tell u something... Boy:WHAT? Girl:I like u Boy:And I hate u Boy:YOUR A CHICKEN 🐔🐔 🐔 Girl:I HATE U YOU POOP💩💩💩💩 Girl:LOSER L Boy: I thought u said U liked me Girl:SHUT UP CHICKEN/POOP💩💩🐔 🐔 Boy: GIRL BYE Girl:Bye felisha

One time there was a happy lil girl then one day her teacher asked how many legs and arms do a pineapple have she said girl: You know those pokey things on it thats how many Teacher says: Thats dumb they have zero. then the next day the girl set a fire in her house and then she burned her legs and arms then she survived went to school then the teacher said i heard your house went on fire and btw you know you don ́t have no arms or legs right the girl said OK then the question the teacher asked yesterday asked the girl again she said what do u call a girl with no legs or arms? the teacher said ANSWER MY QUESTION the girl said OK OK the girl said 13 the teacher said PINEAPPLES DO NOT EVEN HAVE LEGS Then the teacher had to calm down then the teacher said to the girl ask a question whatever u want then the girl said ok and im sorry teacher teacher said its ok i need a break the girl said what do u call a girl without legs or arms someone from the class her name was nia she said a worm she said NO!!! the teacher said CALM DOWN JUST TELL US WHAT the girl said OK then the girl said it.......And yall who is reading my story guess what the answer is before i tell u and btw the girls name is sunny back to story.........she said the answer is A PINEAPPLE then when the teacher was calm she told her to sit down then the teacher read a story The Three Little pigs then the girl went home she got a new house then lived happily ever after

========================= (pre-election 2016) Trump Hating Comedian at seedy East L.A. comedy club -

"Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump.... what the fuck up with that dude, man ?

"Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!" (< leap week, muthafukas !)

. . . "I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that's synonymous for bein' fucked up, for instance ....

STUMP : TEENY DICK

BUMP : TINY TIT

GUMP : DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY

MUMP : A FUCKED UP CHILDREN'S DISEASE

LUMP : IF IT'S MALIGNANT, YOU'RE KINDA FUCKED

UMP : OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS

RUMP : AN ASS

DUMP : A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS

HUMP : SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD

PUMP : SEE "HUMP"

. . . and last, but definitely not least --

JUMP : JUMP INTO A DEEP VAT 'O SCAT MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO STRAIGHT TO HELL BITCH !! ....

HA!HA!HA!HA ! YESSS !!

.... well boys and girls, that's gonna be about it for me, as I think my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a big turn for the worse !"

......(splort !, plop !, drip !) ....... OOOOPS ! 'snif, snif' ........

..... ewwwwww !!

(audience growing uneasy and unruly)

"Fuhhk ! ... I better go now , 'cause I just went ! ... ha! ha! ha! ...... Yikes !!

GOOD NIGHT LAZIES, AND GERBILMEN ! PLEASE DRIVE RECKLESSLY !

(curtain drops)

(continuous laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants peeing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin', fists fuckin', guns poppin', blood pumpin')

"OH LORDY !!... I THINK HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH,

... AND ARMAGITTIN' THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE !!"

(one very quick curtain call, and swiftly out the back door to an awaiting taxi ............ with ALL the windows rolled down) Whew ! ............ Amen. ==============================

A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her mom naked taking a shower and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get breasts?" Mom says, "Oh, when you're 12 or 13." The little girl looks down and see’s her pubes and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get hair down there?" Mom says, "Oh, about the same time you get breasts."

Then the little girl walks in and sees her dad sitting on the bed with a hard on and asks, "Daddy, daddy, when am I gonna get one of those?" Dad says, "Soon as your mom leaves for work."

So a guy is taking a piss in a public bathroom. He looks over and sees a short guy with a very large green dick, who looks up at him and says “is there a problem boyoh?”. “I’m sorry, it’s just that thing is huge, and why the hell is it green?!”. The man reply’s “I’m a leprechaun”. “Really?” says the man. “That’s right. And I’ll grant you three wishes if you let me stick it in your pooper”. “Anything I want?! 3 of them?” reply’s the man. “Anything in your wildest dreams boyoh, but you have to let me finish”. The man bends over, and the leprechaun puts in in, thrusting back and forth he asks for the man’s first wish. “I want a giant yacht” “Aye”, says the leprechaun. “It’s pulling into your own private harbor now”. “For my second wish I want a billion dollars” the man says, beginning to sweat. “Aye, it’s stacked inside the yacht waiting for you” the leprechaun reply’s. “Okay”, the man groans in pain. “For my final wish I want this yacht to be full of beautiful women”. “You betcha boyoh” says the leprechaun. “The girls are there waiting for you nooWWW” as he lets out a moan of pleasure. The man exhausted and sore says “that was rough, but worth it for those wishes. Where do I go?”

The little man with the giant green dick, pulling up his pants, his accent now gone says: “aren’t you a little old to be believing in leprechauns?”.

Mississippi girls are missing a "pp."

Is Google a girl or a boy?

Obviously a girl, because it won't let you finish a sentence without making a suggestion.

Boy:crap I hit a deer Girl:awe...I guess It’s not so much of a dear Boy:...

Boy:get the hell out

A guy goes to Starbucks and asks, "Hey, if I can make you laugh, I don’t have to pay." The girl in the window says, "Okay." The guy says, "A little boy named Timmy lost his arms." The girl says, "Oh no!" The guy says, "And his dad left him when he was 4." The girl says, "Uhh yeah." The guy says, "Okay, I guess I’ll be paying then." The girl asks, "Okay, and what name will that be under?" The guy says, "Timmy, I’m Timmy."