Get jokes

What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.

What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?

Christianity.

I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."

A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."

An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."

Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!

1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.

How to get a girl in three steps:

Step 1: grab a pillow.

Step 2: grab a blanket.

Step 3: keep dreaming.

The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.

Dark jokes are like home. A lot of people don't get it.

Why do gay people like sports?

Because they get to play with balls.

What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?

Time to get a new watch.

My dad went to go get milk. He came back 7 years later, and we had to send him back because he got the wrong milk.

Why did the emo cross the road?

To not get to the other side.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What do gay people get for Christmas?

Discrimination.

Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?

Q. What type of flour do orphans get?

A. Self-raising flour.

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

Q: What is it called when a hoe is getting ready for her party but doesn't know what to wear but is thinking about it? A: A thotprosses

What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?

Someone: Ugly?

Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.