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My dad went to go get milk. He came back 7 years later, and we had to send him back because he got the wrong milk.
Dark jokes are like home. A lot of people don't get it.
Why do gay people like sports?
Because they get to play with balls.
The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.
What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?
Time to get a new watch.
Memes
How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!
1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
What do gay people get for Christmas?
Discrimination.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Q. What type of flour do orphans get?
A. Self-raising flour.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side. Y'all knew this one, fr.
I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.
How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?
Q: What is it called when a hoe is getting ready for her party but doesn't know what to wear but is thinking about it? A: A thotprosses
Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset. She said it's too small, so that's all. But later that day, he wanted to say, "Every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lying." She started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all. Everyone said, "Fly away big chunky balls."
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom.
Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.
So who did it? the I.S.S. teacher said.
1 hour before:
So let me get...
Random person: Wait, what? You BROKE UP WITH HER!
Me: I SWEAR, JHONNY, THIS IS THE 3RD TIME YOU BUTT INTO MY CONVERSATION! SO... HERE... YOU... GO! *punches*