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I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"
Teacher: "Do you guys want to get in trouble?"
Kid named Teacher: *
You can get into a fight with an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why does an orphan play GTA?
To get wanted.
"Akeld" sounds like a 56-year-old man just picking on kids for no reason. I say, get a life!
Asian Grading scale: A- Average.
B- Half Average.
C- Stupid idiot!
D- FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN DO CALCULUS!
F- FORGOTTEN FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN GET A JOB AT MCDONALDS!
How do people get skinny?
Their parents don't feed them. (JOKE)
How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?
Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work…
How did the chicken get to the other side? He crossed the road and didn't make it.
What do you get when you cross an eagle with a lion?
A griffin.
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.
How does Stephen Hawking compete in the hurdles?
He ducks when he gets to them.
Why did the sexy 12 year old girl with cerebral palsy get raped? Because her parents didn’t have the decency to drown her at birth.
Three guys landed on a cannibal island. The cannibal chef told them if they wanted to live, they had to go get 10 of one fruit and bring it to him, and he would tell them what to do.
So the first guy brings 10 apples, and the chef said if he could shove all 10 of those in his ass without making a sound, he could live. He was three apples in and made a sound, and they ate him. The second guy brought grapes; nine grapes in, and he burst out laughing. The cannibals ate him. Then the first guy said, "Why'd you laugh? You were almost there!" The other guy who had the grapes said, "I couldn't help it, I was told the third guy came back with 10 pineapples."
My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.
What did the window say to the door?
"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"
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Hello, I am Sflugo. I am opening the Pro Orphan Joke Club because a lot of people are saying to get rid of them, but we say NO! If you want to join, comment and say, "#SaveOrphanJokes."
"Number 15: Burger King foot lettuce. The last thing you want in your Burger King burger is someone's foot fungus, but as it turns out, that might be what you get."
What do you get when you combine a planet and an apple?
Mario.
My wife said she would slam my head into my keyboard if I did not get off video games.
But don't worry I think she was just joking.