Get jokes
Dark humor is like food, some just don't get it.
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
What’s the best way to get people to remember your birthday? Kill yourself.
My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.
Memes
What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
What is the difference between apples and orphans? Apples get picked!
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.
Why do bugs hate the internet?
Because they always get caught.
Get it? Inter-net?
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?
"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."
Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?
A: Couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
Women suck (GET IT?!)
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
Q: Why did the cat get a ticket?
A: He was caught littering.
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.
What do you get when I get mixed with coffee?
De-presso.