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Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"
Why did the octopus cross the road?
To get to the other TIDE!!! 🤣🐙🐙
What happens at night in Bangladesh?
It gets Dhaka.
Dark humor is just like food, not everybody gets it.
Why is the bible like a penis You get it forced down your throat by a priest
water puppy
Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?
You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.
Sorry.
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? Because she ran away from the ball.
I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a hockey player?
A hockey player gets to shower after three periods.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?
My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.
How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?
Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...
What's an upside of being an orphan?
You'll never get grounded again.
When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?