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Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"
Why did the octopus cross the road?
To get to the other TIDE!!! 🤣🐙🐙
What happens at night in Bangladesh?
It gets Dhaka.
Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?
You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.
Sorry.
Dark humor is just like food, not everybody gets it.
Why is the bible like a penis You get it forced down your throat by a priest
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? Because she ran away from the ball.
I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a hockey player?
A hockey player gets to shower after three periods.
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?
My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?
Q: Why do clowns always get into fights?
A: Because they have the balls to.
What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.
Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?
A: Couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.
I replied I'd get ink poisoning.
Wouldn't recommend, the police came.