Get jokes

I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a hockey player?

A hockey player gets to shower after three periods.

How much pussy does a priest get? None.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?

My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.

A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We'd like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.

When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"

Q. What does Michael Jackson get his sex partners as a gift?

A. Crayons.

How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?

Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...

What's an upside of being an orphan?

You'll never get grounded again.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."

Sometimes I get jealous when I see a gravestone.

Why are Indians so good at football?

Each time they get a corner, they open a shop.

What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?

Smash.

(Get it?) 9/11.

What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?

Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.

We should really stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents will get mad.

I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.

A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"

I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.

He said the ATM outside.