Get jokes

What do rocks and girls have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

The cemetery is so crowded, people are just dying to get in.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

Sometimes I get jealous when I see a gravestone.

Why are Indians so good at football?

Each time they get a corner, they open a shop.

What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?

Smash.

(Get it?) 9/11.

What is the difference between an orphan and cotton candy?

Answer: The cotton candy gets picked.

What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?

Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.

We should really stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents will get mad.

I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.

A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"

Q: What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

A: Neither of them get to see their parents.

I bet emos get jealous when their phone dies.

What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?

Christianity.

What do women and KFC have in common?

After you get done with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

Dark humor is like food, some just don't get it.

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.

What’s the best way to get people to remember your birthday? Kill yourself.