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Kid

What did the blind kid get for his birthday?

I don't know, he still didn't look.

Suicide

what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?

Niagra falls

Muslim

Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.

Obv, unless you share your residence.

Boob

Get a calculator.

Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.

Memes

Coffin

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

Orphan

Why did the orphan try to get hurt?

Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.

He looks around, no one is there.

Penis

What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

Dog

Mom: I'm getting you a dog!

Me: OMG REALLY?!

Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?

Me:...

Me: Bitch, please.

Orphan

Why do orphans get to watch rated R movies? Because their parents can't stop them.

Stuff

The Good Old Days.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

Cat

Q: Why did the cat get arrested?

A: He was caught littering.

Man

Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.

Orphan

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Cat

Q: Why did the cat get a ticket?

A: He was caught littering.

Foot

What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.