Get jokes
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
What do women and KFC have in common?
After you get done with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
The cemetery is so crowded, people are just dying to get in.
I bet emos get jealous when their phone dies.
Q: What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
A: Neither of them get to see their parents.
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?
A trip without kids.
Why did the orphan get kicked off the baseball team?
He would never make it home base.
Why are orphans so good at tennis?
They never get love.
What is the difference between an orphan and cotton candy?
Answer: The cotton candy gets picked.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
Why are Black people getting stronger?
Because the TVs are getting bigger.
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
Why do orphans get to watch rated R movies? Because their parents can't stop them.