Get jokes

Why did the orphan try to get hurt?

Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.

He looks around, no one is there.

Mom: I'm getting you a dog!

Me: OMG REALLY?!

Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?

Me:...

Me: Bitch, please.

What did the blind kid get for his birthday?

I don't know, he still didn't look.

Why do orphans get to watch rated R movies? Because their parents can't stop them.

what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?

Niagra falls

The Good Old Days.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

What's the quickest way to get money besides winning the lottery?

Leaving your son with Michael Jackson.

Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.

Obv, unless you share your residence.

Get a calculator.

Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.

What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

Q: Why do clowns always get into fights?

A: Because they have the balls to.

Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?

Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.

Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?

What is the similarity between orphans and apples?

They both get thrown out.

If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?

I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.

I replied I'd get ink poisoning.

Wouldn't recommend, the police came.

I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!

One day my mom told me to take out the trash, and I did. The next day, mom asked me, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "A garbage truck took her." Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left.

What's the difference between an apple and a child?

The apple gets picked.

What is the difference between apples and orphans?

The apples get picked.