Get jokes

Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.

When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"

I said, "I shit you not."

What do bees do when they get married?

They go on a honeymoon.

What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?

They both get turned on by children.

I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...

Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.

Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?

Cause that's the only way they get love.

Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.

How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?

A blender.

How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?

A straw.

Why do nuns walk in groups?

So one “nun” can keep an eye on the other “nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting "nun".

What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?

A cold shoulder.

How do you get 1 million followers?

You run through Africa with a bottle of water.

What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets?

Women.

The people in Florida yelling "White Power!" is amusing, because when they get permanent sunburn from the Florida sun, they are not white anymore.

How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To finally get his milk.

What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!

You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?

Both end up getting cut.

Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

Are you electricity? 'Cause I wanna get a bath with you ;)

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Just cut the rope.