Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs!
Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!
Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.
Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?
A: An egg gets laid.
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.
I always hit on 16, then get busted.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."
Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good, so I told him so. My brother said to me, "At least I don't have to camp in order to get kills." I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills."
Why do emos get discounts at every shop? Because they have barcodes on their wrists.
If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"
Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"
The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"
Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."
The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?
A cold shoulder.
One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".
The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.
JFK: Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.
In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.
You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.
You are getting Cole for Christmas, you shit fuckers.
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.
I don't get it.
Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".
So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...
...their new slogan?
The Quicker Pecker Upper.
Uh, six teachers are annoying. Thank God I am not getting picked on at school or on this website.
