Get jokes

What do people get for Christmas when they behave badly? They get coal. Why coal, you're probably saying, because the true meaning is cucks of all kinds.

How do you get an emo out of the tree?

You cut the rope.

It was my cousin's birthday and my mom said what should we get her? I said a rope.

Stephen Hawking was a spac. But if you put an E on the end, you get space, and he loved that.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

So it could get to the other side!

Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the “shell” station.

If every time someone faints when they see your face and I get 1 cent, I would be a trillionaire.

Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?

'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.

I saw a kid in a wheelchair, and he was getting bullied. I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

What do you call getting assaulted by a gay man? Fruit punch.

Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.

Little Johnny paints them black.

Little Johnny went to a gun store.

Little Johnny made a big mess.

The cemetery people were getting paid.

Amber Heard Daily Routine:

Get out of bed, drink coffee, take a shit on Johnny Depp's bed.

One day, someone's ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and her ex-boyfriend was there and gave her an apple. Next minute, she had chlamydia. What did the boyfriend do?

Why did the impostor vent... to get to the other side?

Ok, ok, who is trying to be my "long lost brother"? Because last time I checked, I didn't have any sisters or brothers, so stop trying to steal my fame from me and give up. A lot of other people already know you are fake, so get off this website OR JUST STOP!!!

But he could only get 1 trade.

Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?

Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.

Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.

What is an orphan and an apple?

They get picked.

Teacher: Here, have candy.

Kid: No, I’m too fat.

Teacher: Shut up, or I’m gonna fail you.

*Next week*

Teacher: Okay kids, get off the floor and go back to your seats.

Kid: I’m too fat to get up.

Teacher: Don’t you remember what I said?

Kid: Yep, elephants don’t forget.

A girl and dog get dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog!