Get jokes
A guy goes to see his psychiatrist dressed only in bubble wrap. When he gets there, he asked the psych, "Can you please help me?"
The psych says, "No, I'm sorry, I can clearly see your nuts."
Q: Why do orphans get on Facebook?
A: Because they get liked.
An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."
Singing in the shower is fun, until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it's a soap opera.
What is it called when you whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
I would tell you a science joke, but I know I won't get a reaction.
Pickup line for gay people:
Roses are red, Antarctica is in the south, Get on your knees, And open your mouth.
Q. What does Michael Jackson get his sex partners as a gift?
A. Crayons.
You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?
Both end up getting cut.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
To get to the rear end.
What do you get when you cross a vacuum and a rooster?
A cock sucker.
You know what really grinds my gears? Robots and liars...for example that Stephen Hawking fella. He sure looks and sounds like a robot!! And a major liar too! If he wanted to show me how smart he really was he would have figured out how to get up out of that four wheeler and tell me how smart he is!!!!!
What do you get when I get mixed with coffee?
De-presso.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he was sans and too lazy to get his butt off the couch.
A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears.
"I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing."
The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."
The End
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.
The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: The Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him.
The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native American kills him. They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"
The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”
What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?
Smash.
(Get it?) 9/11.
What time do butts get up? At the crack of dawn!!!