Get jokes
Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.
Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.
Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."
A man once went to a doctor because his leg was turning blue.
The doctor said that his leg had to be amputated as it was getting poisonous.
The man then got plastic prosthetics.
Next day even the prosthetics started turning blue.
After much examination, the doctor found that the patient's pants were shedding color.
What did Stephen Hawking get for his B-Day?
Chocolate arm.
Why do orphans play tennis?
So they can finally get love.
What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...
A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar...
"GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts, "We don't serve your type!"
My therapist told me to write angry letters to those that upset me and never send them.
He is really going to hate the letter he never gets.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
How do chickens 🐔 get stronger and stronger?
They egg-xercise every day!
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
What is the difference between apples and orphans? Apples get picked!
🌍: You're so hot!
🌎: How are you single?
☀️: I burn anyone who gets too close!
Get up, you lazybones!
So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.
Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"
How are urinals made?
They get installed.
Why did the disabled kid keep getting bullied?
He couldn’t stand up for himself.
A man goes to a restaurant and asks for some chili.
The waiter said, "Sorry sir, this is an Asian restaurant."
So he stretches his eyes and says, "Oh herro, can I get some chiri?"
Q: What is it called when a hoe is getting ready for her party but doesn't know what to wear but is thinking about it? A: A thotprosses