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Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"
Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?
Tj: Good... you?
Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one π!
Tj: π.
Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!
Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?
Gwen: π No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! π.
Tj: NO!!!!!!
1 day later.
Gwen: π€π€π€π€π€π€π€°π€°π€°π©βπ§βπ¦
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.
How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.
Woman aren't human anyways... lol.
Whatβs the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection.
A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.
At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."
How do you know youβre ugly?
If you always get handed the camera for group photos.
How do chickens π get stronger and stronger?
They egg-xercise every day!
What school subject does an orphan love?
PE because they actually get picked.
My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and thatβs the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. πππππ 6 weeks later, she died. πππππππππππππ
Why did the orphan play GTA? So he could get wanted.
What's a reversed exorcism?
It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
Nobody finds that one funny.
According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.
A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs.
"For the last time, Superman, get out of my bar, you're drunk and the only person here that can fly!"
The man with glasses frowns.
"Where did all the others go, then?"
Why did the teacher get arrested?
He gave the orphan homework!
What do girls and rocks have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.