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What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Only one of them gets picked...
My roasts aren't funny. At least this shit gets me money.
I hope every time you watch YouTube, you get 30 second unskippable ads!
Orphan: Throws a boomerang.
Boomerang: Comes back with his father.
Father: Goes to get milk.
What do you get when you cross mums and makeup?
Beauty!
Gwen: Prince, they told me you'd be crying back. What do you want?
Prince: Nothing...BUT CAN WE GET BACK TOGETHER!?!??
Gwen: Sorry...BUT...I have a life to live now. I'm logging off this site and going to watch some TV. I'll be back in 1 hour, but we are done...DONE...DONE.
So, a guy and his brother were walking in the woods, and his brother said, "It's getting dark out here, can we go home?"
The man said, "I know, think how I will feel walking home tonight!"
How do you get a country girl's attention? A tractor.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple actually gets picked.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
If I stepped on a Twix, would you get mad?
What did the orphan say to the other?
"Robin, get the Batmobile!"
What do you get when you add 5 + 2 + 3 + 2 + 200 + 10?
Completely confuse you!
I did a walk today and walked today to get my car.
What do you get when an American talks to an Aussie and a Kiwi?
Two Aussie.
Sisters before misters.
I hope you get better.
I love you.
Q: Why did the duck cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.
Your mama is so stupid, she went to the dentist to get a Bluetooth.
I used to be a doctor, until a girl came in to get a kidney transplant, but I had to give her anal resizing surgery first.
What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.