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How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?

He didn’t, there was no lift...!

Just think, when we're getting fucked, we make our own food.

When I was in high school, me and my friends would play with this girl who had Down syndrome.

We would get into a circle around her and say, "Nightmare, nightmare!"

Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.

Two friends wanting to find out if their buddy was gay.

The two walked up to their buddy and said, "Get down!" and he kneeled down.

I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus, and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection..." But she did.

What time do dogs 🐕 get a walk done ✅?

Time to walk with your dog 🐶!

What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?

They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.

What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

They both get turned on by kids.

Why are orphan weddings so entertaining?

They get to walk themselves down the aisle.

I have fun going on them roller coasters that go really high up and sitting by random people, and once we get to the high point, I look at the stranger and go "wham" and unplug their seat belt.

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

"If we don't get some support soon, people will start to think we are balls."

I hated getting bullied in school because I could never stand up for myself.

Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

A: A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

What's the best way to get a man to confess to a rape?

Ask him to tell a rape joke.

So there was this girl and her horse would not stop following her, so she said, "Stop horsing around!"

Get it? "Horse-ing."

I'm happy that I named my dog "I Know What You Did." It's funny to see how much people get scared when I call him.

This boy said, "Get your hairline straight." I said, "Girls don't have a hairline. How about you go to the barber shop and let your barber do your hair 10 times worse than he did the first time."

If you are a bully at a school, when you get home, find an orphan and beat them up!

What are they going to do? Tell the orphan lady to tell you to stop? 😆😝

Kid: I want to be Batman.

Okay, when he gets home, his parents are dead.