Get jokes
I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.
"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.
*on a date*
me - "I get to work with animals all day."
her - "How sweet! What do you do?"
me - "I'm a butcher."
Dark humor is like food; some people get it, others don't...
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).
If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?
I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.
I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."
Your momma is so fat, when she gets done having sex she rolls over and smokes a ham.
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other side?
What did the skeleton get when he saw goth girls?......A boner.
What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?
You got off clean.
What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.
What do you get when you cross breed a woman and a horse? A neigh-ga.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some marijuana. Jack got high and slapped her thigh and said "you know you wanna". Jill said yes, pulled down her dress, and then they had some fun. Silly Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.
Why did the rapper go to school?
To get a degree in RHYMEOLOGY!
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
Why can’t orphans get married in Alabama?
Because they don’t have a sister.
A man and a child walk into a forest.
The kid says, "Um, sir, it's getting dark, and I'm getting kinda scared."
The man says, "Yeah, well, think how I feel. I have to walk back out alone."
Why can you punch an orphan and get away with it?
Because what is he gonna do, tell his parents?
How do you fit 53 babies into a box?
First get a blender...
Who comes when an orphan gets married? They are allowed back in family restaurants, but when I go in alone, I'm not allowed. I have some parents, for God's sake!