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Guess what song was playing during 9/11? Timber by Ke$ha.

This midget in my school has two moms. I said, "Did your dad go get the milk?" He told me to shut up. I said, "I don’t shut up, I grow up like you should."

So the Devil decided to go to McDonald's and grab some lunch. What does he get?

A hot and spicy McChicken and three six-piece nuggets.

What's funny about sex? I don't get it.

Why did Zayn Malik get his girlfriend to convert to Islam? So she can declare GiGIHADid.

Addison, it's Emboy again. I just want to be honest, you sound like a tease! And teases get spanked.

Can I watch you?

Yes, you can watch me your watch.

No, I mean can I WATCH you?

I don't get it. 😑 *facepalm*.

OOOOOOH YOU MEAN WATCH WITH YOUR EYES! YES!

Why can orphans get away with being bad at school? Because when the teacher says, "I want to have a parent/teacher conference," they just go about their day.

I called my sister a party pooper after she came to my party uninvited.

Grampa said that the only ones who poop at parties are the ones who don't get invited.

So I guess that means I was the party pooper at my own birthday?

You: I want my mama.

Me: Soz, you can't even get one.

Son: Dad, can I get a girlfriend?

Dad: Son, no, you are only 10, so no.

Son: Dad, I'm leaving to get a girlfriend.

Dad: Son, nooo, you are not my son!

Son: What did you say? *Son slaps the dad.*

Dad: Good, son, goodbye, get out of my home.

Son: Good, you can go move to a new home.

Why did the chicken cross the road because he wanted to get run over and poop, and he died for 30 years until he was sent to Joe for getting run over, and he got killed by something, and then he died, and then he got it by you poop.

The most unrealistic part of Chotta Bheem is not him eating a laddu and getting power. It's him eating a whole laddu in one shot.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to get to the other side and see his friend...

Short people tend to get angry easily...

'Cause they're so close to the ground, their anger doesn't dissipate easily...

I have a riddle for you:

10 people are on a boat, but they all die due to a tsunami except the captain.

Then, when he gets home, his wife serves him “penguin meat.”

Once he eats it, he starts crying.

Why?

Roses are red, get on your knees, and bark for me!

Person 1: How the freak did you get in my house?!?! I locked the door!!!

Person 2: But I'm your mom... I have a key. You dumbass.

What did Yarn Yoshi say to Poochy whilst trying to solve a puzzle?

"Alright Poochy, it's time to get crafty!"

How do bees get to school?

They take the buzz.