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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."

At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because they can't get a home run.

My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

Why did Dairy Queen and Burger King get arrested for copyright infringement? Because they gave birth to Five Guys.

Dark humor is like a cancer, it's funnier when a kid gets it.

What is the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

What is the difference between apples and orphans?

The apples get picked.

Why do orphans not have cheese on their burgers? They don't have a dad to get milk.

One day I caught my sister talking to my girlfriend, and she said, "You never told me you're lesbian." I said, "No, not at all." My girlfriend asked, "Why did you not tell her?" and I said, "Because every time I bring a girl home, I hear too much noise in her room, and I never get the chance to kiss them because she's cleaning the trash." She said, "Yeah, the trash is her junk."

What is the difference between apples and orphans? Apples get picked!

The most unrealistic part of Chotta Bheem is not him eating a laddu and getting power. It's him eating a whole laddu in one shot.

How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.

Once, I ate a skunk. It was hard because I didn't get it down the whole way.

What mountain do people like to race on?

Mount Rushmore.

Get it?

Can people please shut up about "male privileges"? There is no right that men have that women don't.

Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.

Women have the right to choose parenthood; men do not.

Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.

Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.

Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.

Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.

Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of "women only" events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us.)

Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas.

Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.

Women have the right to domestic violence shelters.

Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic dispute.

Women have the right to rape a man or boy, and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy, they can sue him for child support.

So it is women who have more rights.

So shut up, feminists, please.

If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.

People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!

VOTING QUARTERFINAL 3: LIKE: When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom and the autistic kid thinks it’s a Disco party. 🕺🕺🕺

DISLIKE: When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering but you walk toward his gun; “I will finish what you started.”

Vote for the better joke.

I have a lot of eggcellent egg puns, get the yolk... Oh come on, don't be hard-boiled!