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Hi, I did not get your text. I texted you when I texted you. You are not [responding].
When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."
The teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make? "Mooo," said Sally. "Good job," said the teacher. "What sound does a sheep make?" "Baa," said Jack. "Good, now what sound does a pig make?" Little Johnny raised his hand really high in the sky. The teacher called on him. He said, "The pig says, 'Get on the ground and put your hands on your head, you black motherfucker.'"
Dark humor is like COVID-19... Not everyone gets it.
Five minutes later, she agreed to get with me, so we went and rocked the minivan like, "Giggity, Giggity, Giggity!"
What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?
Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."
Why did the Royal Wedding get more publicity than the SantaFe school shooting?
'Cause Royal Weddings don't happen every week.
Like if you laugh.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
What's the best thing about an abortion joke??
No one gets offended.
Why did the terrorists crash?
They were doing the job they loved but not getting paid.
Lol.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Only one of them gets picked...
What do you say to the orphan?
"Shut up, get a mom and dad!"
A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,
Librarian: What are you looking for?
Man: I am looking for a book!
Librarian: Which book?
Man: Facebook.
What do people get for Christmas when they behave badly? They get coal. Why coal, you're probably saying, because the true meaning is cucks of all kinds.
Pickup line for gay people:
Roses are red, Antarctica is in the south, Get on your knees, And open your mouth.
What is a tuba plus tuba? -- Fourba.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
To get to the rear end.
Why did the guy get the hose?
Because the girl was smoking hot.
You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
To get to the bottom.