Get jokes
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples actually get picked.
How do you know you’re ugly?
If you always get handed the camera for group photos.
Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."
So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.
Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."
What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
Why do trans women make the best golf course grounds staff?
They’re enthusiastic about getting rid of unwanted balls.
What’s the best part of raping an 11 year old girl?
Getting to kill the little bitch after you’ve finished with her.
What's the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?
They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.
This is an inside joke for my friend Caiden...
"Hey, where’d you get that paint from?" "Ha! Paint!"
Why did the bee get into trouble?
Because he wasn't beehiving very well!
As a son, I like sports, and I watch sports with my mom. So one day, we were looking at football. My mom asked me who makes the most money. I said the quarterback.
My mom told me I'm going to get a quarterback as my new boyfriend, and it'll be your new stepfather. A week later, my mom went out. I came home, and I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said, "What's going on?" My mom said, "Look, my new boyfriend and new stepfather is the high school quarterback." My mom said, "See, mission accomplished." I said, "Yeah, job well done."
There’s this girl who gets bullied for being in a wheelchair.
Why don’t she stand up for herself?
Sans: What is Todoroki's favorite coffee creamer?
Half n' Half hehe.
Papyrus: Sans! He's not even part of our fandom!!!
Sans: Bro don't get so HOT headed about it. Just CHILL.
Sorry not sorry -sans
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
Where do Sith get their clothes?
At the Darth Maul!
What do women and dog turds have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Why did Pinocchio cross the road?
To get to the other lied.
Want one way to get a free haircut?
Call the cancer hotline.
What school subject does an orphan love?
PE because they actually get picked.