Get jokes

My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.

Your mama is so fat.

She steps on the scales. She has to return in a couple days to get the results.

Your mama smells so bad that everytime she goes outside, she gets ticketed for pollution. She's so ugly that everytime she looks out a window, she gets arrested for mooning.

Your mama is such a hoe! It took her 4 attempts to pass her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat.

What gets bigger when it eats but dies when it drinks?

Answer: fire.

Your mum is so fat, when she was in front of my apartment, I couldn't get in.

Why don’t Mexicans have sex education and a driver’s education on the same day?

Because the donkey gets tired.

Why do orphans not get family size [items]?

Because they don’t have a family to share with.

Did you know that if you go into an orphanage and tell them a "yo mama" joke, they won’t get it?

Why don't rappers ever get lost?

Because they always find their way with their flow.

Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor? Because it can't hit home.

I don't get people who treat you like shit and cross your boundaries, then are surprised when you have depression.

It's because of them after all. 🥰✨️

My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop. It went a little bit like this:

Me: Dude, leave her alone. Him: Beat it, b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me: Ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis. Him: *walks away*

Hi, how are you? Busy doing today? Did I have to text more today after dinner? I did text, and you have been to the vet and walk walk home from home and walk walk home 🏠. Night is so nice 👍. I did not walk away, but you don’t want me to text me to let you know when I get home, can you walk?

My Grandma, like any other, got an APPLE IPHONE 12, but as we all know, we get dumb, and so we buy a phone. My grandma did not even know how to use it. She even said, "How do I go on Google?" I told her, "YOU CAN'T!" My grandma was, like, "Yeah right, how do I do it?"

Comment down below, does your grandma do this?

My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."

A toaster and a slice of whole wheat bread sit together in the sauna.

After five minutes, the bread starts to sweat extremely and says: "Oh, I think I'm going to be a toast in here!"

The toaster just looks at it bored from the side and replies: "Don't get upset. I'm just here to really switch off."

A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:

"My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."

The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"

jacethehater, you are a hater, and it needs to stop! Waterhsharky is very nice to people, so leave him alone for whatever he/she did or did not do. He did not do nothing. So leave him/her alone. Plus, making threats to people is very bad, and comments can be seen everywhere! So don't get too cocky with everything.

You're at a buffet, you think you're hungry for two, but misfortune happens when you think of yourself. You get stuck looking at sides in the buffet. A roly poly gal you see in the corner of your eye, eyeballing the main dishes in front at the end. You go in for the pickings, you get intercepted by a far more hungrier matter, but you find yourself getting slammed over the buffet table, and realize you are gasping for air, and she is tenderizing you for dinner.