Get jokes
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
I went to a store to get milk, but when I got home, there were a million cows waiting for milk, so they killed me.
That one teacher that flips on and off the light switch to get the students' attention... that one kid with epilepsy...
Why was the train late?
It kept getting sidetracked.
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"
Sell PC.
Go to Croatia.
Try to fly to the US to meet female.
US won't let me in.
End up in Norway.
Female leaves me.
Female gets arrested by feds.
Feds read all my messages and see my dick pics.
Just another day in the defib life.
Why don't butts get along?
Because they can't stand each other's cheek!
Where did Joe go after getting lost on the mine field?
Everywhere.
How are this joke and the kid with cancer alike?
It never gets old.
Life is too short, just like me. Get roasted, short people!
How are wet clothes and a depressed person alike? One gets hung up to dry, the other gets hung up to die.
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girlfriend?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
I got a great corona virus joke, but you wouldn’t get it.
What color is Sonic's ball?
Blue because he keeps getting rejected.
Why did the disabled kid keep getting bullied?
He couldn’t stand up for himself.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple's actually get picked.
Q: Why are orphans so scared to get married?
A: They don't know what it feels like to have a family.
Why did the blind man get killed? Because he never saw it coming.