Get Jokes

I went up to the blind kid and said, "Can you get that for me?" and he said, "I can't, I'm blind." And so I said, "I see."

Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a male. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.

Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.

What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.

Me: I have depression.

Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!

Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.

Like if you can relate

A two panel image showing two dogs. The top panel shows a light-colored chihuahua looking directly at the viewer with a concerned expression. The text above the dog reads, "Mom... can I ask you something without you getting angry???" The bottom panel shows a black dog with glasses sitting at a table with a sewing machine in the foreground, appearing stern or annoyed.

What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.

Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it.

Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂

How did the burglar get into my house?

Intruder window.

English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”

French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? An apple gets picked.

See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.

If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.

Why are orphans so happy on Christmas? Because they might get a family.

How are peppers 🌶 so nosey?

They get jalapeño business.

What time is it when you get home, can you walk home and walk?

Mother: How is my little cookie doing?

Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.

Mother: Really?

Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.

Mother: 😁♥️🍪

I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”

That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.

Shame on you Penaldo!