Get jokes

Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"

He waited for three hours to get an answer.

His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."

How are apples and orphans different?

Apples get picked.

For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. His mom did too.

Why did the emo cross the road?

To not get to the other side.

If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.

I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.

I went up to the blind kid and said, "Can you get that for me?" and he said, "I can't, I'm blind." And so I said, "I see."

Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a male. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.

Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.

What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.

Me: I have depression.

Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!

Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.

What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.

Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it.

Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂

How did the burglar get into my house?

Intruder window.

English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”

French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? An apple gets picked.

See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.

If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.

Why are orphans so happy on Christmas? Because they might get a family.

How are peppers 🌶 so nosey?

They get jalapeño business.